Zsa Zsa learns she must pay the price

By Kelli Christiansen

Zsa Zsa, really. What did you expect?

Come on, now. You can’t slap an officer of the law and expect to get off easy. Maybe you could have traded your autograph for the sentence you’ll receive. Oh, Darling, isn’t life hard?

What’s odd about the whole Zsa Zsa thing is that, well, I can’t figure it all out. Did it go to court because she was a star and people were sick of seeing famous people get off easy with only a slap on the wrist? Or…or nothing. I pretty much see it as that. Poor Zsa Zsa. Thought she could get away with smacking someone in the face because he wasn’t being very gentlemanly. Ohhhh. I’m crying. Someone grab a box of Kleenex for me.

You know, if she wasn’t famous, it never would have been such a big deal. Who would have cared if I slapped a cop in the face? Not a soul. Who would have cared if, say, Eddie Arnold slapped a cop? Probably not too many people. In any case, the trial for either one of us would not have lasted over two weeks. Good grief. So I guess you have to drive a $215,000 Rolls Royce to get a good, juicy trial during which you can moan and sob and stomp out raging mad, still insulted that you were treated so rudely.

Could it work for me? Let’s see:

“Excuse me, miss, but could you step from your car?” the man in blue will ask me.

“But whatever for, officer?” I would wonder aloud, while fluttering my eyelashes.

“Well ma’am, you ran a red light…ma’am? Is that an open bottle of alcohol on the passenger seat?”

“Yes. But what’s so wrong with that?”

“Ma’am, may I see your license? Did you know this is no longer valid?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. Can I go now?”

“Sure. I just wanted you to know that you’ve broken three traffic violations. But you can go. Be sure to not ever do this again.”

“Oh, thank you, officer. It’s so nice of you to let me go.”

OMIGOSH! It worked. I can’t believe it! And just how I thought it would, seeing as I’m so famous and drive such an expensive car. Give me a big break. Hey Zsa Zsa darling, give me a BREAK.

Oh, but poor Zsa Zsa. She did sort of get treated like a scapegoat. It does look like the judicial system looked upon her as a last straw and that maybe it was about time that they show Hollywood that they just weren’t going to take it anymore. Well, I guess Zsa Zsa was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, as the saying goes.

But anyway, it is about time that people on the famous end of the chart of life start getting a little more than a slap on the wrist. It really is unfair that “Star” Joe Schmoe, gets a mere warning when “Average Guy Who Wears Levis” Joe Schmoe gets his license revoked, a $500 fine and a month in prison. In fact, just knowing that this extra leniency exists for people who make more in one day than I will ever make in my entire lifetime even more fuels my desire to become famous and make a lot of money. Then I know that I will never have to go to jail, or that even if I do, the food and the furniture will be nicer than what I’m accustomed to now. Ask my roommate—she’ll tell you that I eat Fruity Pebbles for dinner.

So, grin and bear it Zsa Zsa. And don’t worry, you’ll probably get a suspended sentence anyway. We just wanted to see you sweat it out.