Not good topics to bring up at dinner

By Bill Schwingel

From what I understand, some students believe that those of us who do columns here at the Star never actually have any points to get across. Well this one is for you.

Take a look at those American companies that are investing in countries where people are killed for standing up for human rights. We should all get together and boycott that company until it stops investing.

How about the scary thought that there are some children out there who think President Bush is the “big honcho of the world.” At least that was the reaction one little girl had to Bush’s televised speech shown in schools about “saying no to drugs.”

Take into consideration that this is the same man who might have had ties with a big time drug dealer down in Panama (practice what you preach, Mr. Bush) and could have played a major part in the Iran/Contra affair.

Isn’t this the same country that kicked out a supreme court nominee for smoking pot in college?

Is there anyone out there who would try to oust Mr. Bush? Of course not! Then we would be stuck with a President Quayle, the nightmare of many Americans. Very clever, Mr. Bush.

Since I’m on a Bush bash, whatever happened to the infamous nuclear weapon? Is this “war on drugs” just a diversion so the U.S. can make more killing machines behind America’s back, Mr. Bush? It wouldn’t be the first time you tried to pull the shades over the American public’s eyes.

OK, you’re sick of Bush; I can understand that. What if I were to mention the infamous actor Ronald Reagan? The president who pleaded temporary stupidity to escape any connections to the Iran/Contra affair and got away with it!

The American public has let Reagan fly away, but then again why not? He has the big C. You can’t put someone with cancer in jail.

Besides, if he were in prison he would probably catch AIDS anyway, right? Everyone knows all the prisoners nowadays have AIDS, right? Unless of course he ended up in one of those Colombian prisons with cable TV, caviar and wall-to-wall carpeting.

What about AIDS? We all know (or at least should know) that AIDS is spread through bodily fluids, but how many people would shake the hand of a known AIDS victim?

Uh oh, here it comes—the dreaded abortion issue. If I were to comment that women are becoming human breeding machines, would anyone go outside an abortion clinic with signs supporting abortion?

Next, Racism! It’s not fair!

What about those power-hungry capitalist pigs? They’re thieves! Don’t forget those godless communist swines. They’ll get us if we don’t get them first.

Isn’t poverty a bite?!

Death is scary! Life is scary! Growing up is scary! Getting old is nothing but arthritis, dentures and Depends undergarments.

Our parents are the ones worrying about our futures while their past catches up to them.

The environment is turning into DINK (double income no kids) filled condominiums. Society will never outgrow Lincoln Logs.

Women aren’t dumb, they’re biding their time. Men are dumb. Sex is a necessity, the reason for corruption in organized religion.

So, did you get the point?