Helpful holiday hints for ‘Great Party Hair’

By Marianne Renner

Since this is my last column for the semester and possibly even longer, I decided it’s time for me to make amends with some of you whom I might have offended this semester.

I was going through my mounds of press releases when I came across some valuable information that I thought I would pass on to you girls, and guys too for that matter.

That’s right, I certainly hope these holiday tips will be of great benefit and use.

The press release I chose to share with you came from Alberto Culver and offers “Tips for Great Party Hair.” After we all share together in these tips, maybe we can play along with Alberto Culver’s “Test Your Hair IQ.” What do ya say?

After all, there is a lot of big hair on this campus so the way I figure, a lot of people will benefit.

Tip number 1. “Keep hairstyle simple—one you can do yourself.” This seems logical to me. After all, not everyone has their own personal hair stylist.

Tip number 2. “Use decorative hair accessories to change a daytime style into an evening look. Flowers can be an economical, indispensible fashion accessory.” Personally, I think flowers are much too gaudy for this time of year. My recommendation would be to substitute mistletoe for the holiday season.

Tip number 3. “To create a fast festive party ‘do,’ start by applying Alberto Mousse to dry hair from the roots out to create volume. Next, pull all hair up on top of head and secure with a fabric covered elastic band. Gently tease hair and finger-fluff into shape.” Does this mean stand in front of a mirror and softly say, “Na na, na na, na na.” And would someone please tell me what it means to “finger-fluff.” Is this anything like marshmallow fluff applied with fingers.

Tip number 4. “Be realistic. Don’t force hair to do what it won’t and can’t. Of course. What would hair be without a little realism. Remember all the risks of forcing hair to do what it won’t. I think there is some kind of law against that, or hair assault task force or something.

Tip number 5. “To create full-looking bangs, make a middle part that starts at the crown. Part hair on an angle on each side of the middle part thus forming a ‘V.’ Comb bangs forward. Using a round brush, blow-dry under for softly curved bangs. For a party pizzazz, decorate ponytail with flowers, bows or small ornaments.” ‘Tis the season to be jolly. I don’t think this includes lights, just the ornaments.

Tip number 6. “This season, rely on the proven: an updated page boy.” Oh, like I’m so totally sure. Like, who would be such a dork to wear an outdated page boy. Like, wouldn’t it be totally uncool?

Tip number 7. “For instant evening glamour, dress up a bob with a comma curl.” Does someone out there have a boyfriend named Bob? If so, be sure to dress him up with a comma curl. I mean what other kind of curl is there. Remember, this tip only applies to guy named Bob out there.

Tip number 8. “To create extra volume, bend over from waist and brush hair from underneath. Apply Alberto Volumizing Spritz to roots only. Flip hair back. Slick one side behind ear with Gelee.” I think I know about this flipping hair part. I’ve seen girls flip 12 times in 10 minutes.

Now, we’re all ready to go out. Just keep in mind three tips of my own. First, DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT, light a match under any circumstances.

Second, be careful not to turn around too fast. You would not want to be sued for poking someone’s eye out with your teased hair.

And third, don’t compare hair with anyone. It looks tacky. Believe me, I’ve seen it done.

Well, it looks like we’re just about out of time and space. I know, I know—I promised you the hair IQ test, but you’ll just have to do without it.

OK, all kidding aside, I must confess that I secretly took the “Test Your Hair I.Q.” and I flunked. Darn, I’m really embarrassed.