Oh, what a headache!

We’re number one, we’re number one,” says Florida State coach Bobby Bowden.

“No … we’re number one,” says Nebraska head coach Tom Osborne.

So who should be No. 1? Any one of five teams could lay claim to the top ranking before the ill-fated bowl system takes effect on Jan. 1.

But does anybody deserve to be separated from this mess?

NO! Start a playoff system! OK, not a good solution this year, so let’s just look at each team attempting to convince voters about their greatness.

‘Nebraska (11-0). HA! Sure, they’re undefeated; sure, they beat North Texas 76-14 in their season opener. Who? Yes they managed to squeak by UCLA (8-3) and Colorado (7-3-1) by a grand total of five points, but consider this. Kansas (5-7) could have beaten the Cornhuskers on a last second two-point conversion, but failed and lost 21-20.

Kansas? They suck.

Colorado smashed the Jayhawks 38-14 the week after the “almost” win over Nebraska. No team that needs a supply of oxygen masks to make it through a game with Kansas deserves a shot at the national championship.

‘Auburn (11-0). Whoops, we pay our players, (and get caught) so we can’t play in a bowl game. Season over.

‘West Virginia (11-0). This is a team that has really come on of late, beating Miami (Fla.) 17-14 and Boston College in their last two games. However, the Mountaineers have only played five teams with a winning record. Add to this a 42-37 squeaker against Maryland (2-9) and panic wins against Virginia Tech 14-13 and Louisville 36-34, and we do not have a national championship contender. Louisville was later embarrassed by Tennessee 45-10 and Texas A&M 42-7. See ya.

‘Florida State (11-1). Here we go, a good team with a tough schedule and a last second pass that came up short. This team allowed just 14 points in its first five games and 9.4 points a game over the entire season.

And that’s just the defense.

Heisman Trophy shoe-in Charlie Ward and the offense have put up over 40 points eight times this year and broke 50 a total of four times. They’re playing for it all.

But who’s going to play them?

‘Notre Dame (10-1). One knuckleball kick by Boston College ended the one-week hold on number one for the Fighting Irish. It is unfortunate that ND won’t be allowed the shot at the national championship, because after FSU takes out Nebraska, one thing will hover over Bowden’s team like a big stink cloud.

They didn’t beat Notre Dame.

Here’s the solution: throw out the records and admit that the Irish and the Seminoles are the two best teams in the country. A rematch for the national championship and no hard feelings afterward.