I’ve been ruined!

What do I mean? Well I’ve been ruined because at a young age my parents, being the good people they are, took me to see all the Disney movies that came out. Now I don’t mean to imply that only young girls get ruined by these movies, it’s not good for the boys either. (Heck, they have to deal with us ruined women and our distorted views about what to expect.)

Little kids shouldn’t see certain Disney movies without parental guidance. Only older people should see them because by that time we’ve been around and know that they’re fairy tales—meaning that we know LIFE DOESN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY!! (Especially when it comes to love.)

Don’t you worry, men, I’m not going to say anything against your gender. But since I have nothing else that I want to talk to you about I thought I’d share this theory I came up with this summer after I went to see Snow White again.

After seeing the movie I began to understand why I expect too much and feel so inadequate. And I don’t think I’m the only one.

Let’s start with why the women who see these movies expect too much.

What we see: The men in these movies are perfect.

Result: We expect the men who we involve ourselves with to be, if not perfect, at least attempting to be.

What we see: They’re all rich.

Result: How many rich available men do you know of out there?

What we see: These perfect men just show up practically on the womens’ front doors.

Result: We expect the love of our life to knock on our door and introduce himself.

What we see: They all have white horses.

Result: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a man on a horse these days, not to mention a white one?

What we see: All the men in these stories go incredibly out of their way to find or rescue their love.

Result: Even the most independent of us expects to be rescued, in some small part of us.

Now we turn to why men who see these movies expect too much.

What we see: The women are practically perfect, aside from the fact that they get themselves into trouble.

Result: When men see perfect bodies, they expect imperfect minds.

What we see: Everyone likes these women, even the animals.

Result: Men expect all women to be sweet and docile at all times and walk around with squirrels on our shoulders.

What we see: The women in these movies always look great, even when in rags.

Result: What woman do you know that wears sweatpants to attract any man alive?

What we see: All the women have these beautiful singing voices which attract the men to them.

Result: I’ve tried the singing ploy and all I got was people looking at me funny—no men.

What we see: All these women are virginal and pure.

Result: Let’s get real!!

Well, now we all know why we’re all messed up when it comes to finding the love of our lives. It’s simple—we all expect too much. None of us are a Prince Charming or a Princess Aurora and I don’t think we would want to be. Let’s face it, Walt Disney had it out for us and now generations of us will have to deal with the aftermath. Just remember—when you have your children and are going to take them to see these movies, know what you’re doing to them.

[Now before all of you go running off to write me letters about how sick I am, know that I love Disney and this is just tongue in cheek!]