This column is about nothing—call me Seinfeld

It’s three fifteen (p.m.) on Wednesday and I have yet to think of a topic for this column. My cartoonist doesn’t like me as it is and when I make him wait, which is always, he likes me even less.

I could write about the recent survey results from Who’s Who Among American High School Students. The survey found that nearly 80 percent of the almost 2,000 students it asked responded they had participated in cheating. (Cheating ranging anywhere from copying homework to cheating on exams.) The scary part about this survey is the students who participated were top students around the nation, juniors and seniors having at least a B average. I could write about this, but a whole column on how basic values and integrity have disappeared in this country is just too depressing.

Or I could write about the new Clinton recycling plan. I could say how wonderful it is the president is so committed to the well-being of our environment and its stability in the future. You could read about how government cars will now be required to use recycled motor oil and retread tires and how federal purchases of recycled materials will increase. Then we could speculate together how many memos will be going out to all the different departments about the new recycling policy and how much PAPER work will be needed to implement and monitor the program. I could write about this but it would be too boring.

I could write about men and how I’ll never understand them—going on and on about what drives me crazy about them, like when they say “I’ll call you tomorrow,” just to shut you up and then never do. I could write about this but then I would get letter upon letter telling me and everyone else on campus how shallow I am and how I should go out and find myself a date. Well, a date may be a good idea but I still won’t write the column.

I could write about how it is to be editorial editor. About all the yahoos one must deal with every day—everything ranging from the person who thinks their letter is so interesting that it should be the whole page to the people who call about not seeing LEO in the horoscope! Oh and for everyone’s information, the editorials on this page ARE signed. Look at the names at the bottom, folks!!

I could write about how stupid school requirements are, especially those language ones. How they take up too much time and make us study things we’ll never use anyway. Language smanguish is what I’d say! But if I did that, then I would run on Mondays.

I could write about God and my beliefs on his existence and our purpose here on earth and our duty to Him and to one another. I could write on that but I don’t want to tread on Kevin’s (oops) I mean, other people’s territory.

I could write about sex and how it’s just a physical thing. Exercise and nothing more. Love shmove and all that. But then I would be lying, so I’ll leave that for one of the other columnists who appears on this page.

I could write about the Student Association but I would hate to be a letter hog. You see I just received such lovely letters about the last column I mentioned them in that to do it again would be unfair to everyone else who wants to get one.

I could write about how some children could use a little smack on the hinie every once in a while, but then I would have about as many letters sent to me from educators as I already do from SA senators.

Well, well, I seem to have run out of room. How did that happen? Boy (sorry for not being gender sensitive but Girl just doesn’t work as well in this case), won’t my cartoonist be happy! See ya next week people when we’ll talk about something you don’t want to miss—have a very nice weekend!