How to survive… your ex

By Stephanie Szuda

Every beginning has an end. Relationships are no exception.

Well, you know, unless you get married and live happily ever after. But this probably won’t happen considering we’re in college, where some of us change partners as often as bed sheets.

Sure, the good breakups are great and all; it’s nice to remain friends. But this doesn’t always happen.

So which would you rather be? The dumper or the dumpee?

The dumper almost always is the bad guy. Bobby broke up with his super-clingy girlfriend? That jerk. She adored him. Where is he going to find another girl who likes him as much as she did, huh? Tell me that. Well, that’s what the leech’s friends are going to say, anyway.

Regardless of which side you were on, you want to come out of a breakup smelling like a rose.

First, let’s cover the actions you should not do following a breakup.

No one likes a gossip. Well, actually, we do. Just not if the gossip involves us. Keep their secrets to yourself.

Also, do not take advantage of all the information you obtained in the time you dated. For instance, if you know she never locks the door to her room, don’t go in when you know it will be unoccupied to steal her beloved collection of Britney Spears albums.

Do not tell everyone the sex sucked. Let the rebound find out for themselves. They can tell everyone how he was not so well endowed or how she just laid there the whole time.

And no, gouging expletives into another’s car is not a way of showing affection.

Incubus said it best: “Blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground.” When the relationship ended on a bad note, “Seeing you is like pulling teeth.”

Remaining civil with one another can sometimes be hard, but to keep things positive and healthy, try to remain friendly. Wouldn’t you rather have a friend than an enemy? You don’t need to be best buds or anything; let’s not get carried away, here. Just flash a bright smile when you pass by them on campus and say “hello.” Easy stuff, right?

When you do decide to start dating again, don’t rub your newfound love in your ex’s face. Don’t bring them to a party where you know your former flame will be and spend half the time on the couch swapping spit — not classy on any level.

Some people feel the need to erase any memory of the ex. This would include taking the phone number out of their phone or removing the former flame’s screen name from AIM buddy lists. Your drunken self thanks you in advance for cutting off such contacts. This way you won’t leave drunken messages calling them four-letter-word names or calling for a booty call.

So just play nice, plain and simple. Although if a guy cheated on my friend, I would forgive her fraudulent slip of the tongue when she told her gal pals of his insistence on using Mr. Prolong cream.