Donkey Lips salutes our shorts

By Chris Strupp

Michael Bower is known to avid Nickelodeon viewers of the early-90s TV as Eddie “Donkey Lips” Gelfen of “Salute Your Shorts.” Bower took the time to talk with Weekender to reminisce about movies, dating opportunities and waffles.

Weekender: What’s been your favorite [movie] to work on so far?

Michael Bower: The favorite would have to be the movie “Evolution” because to me, it was a dream. I mean think about it. Ivan Reitman was directing it. I knew at the time I auditioned DreamWorks was doing it and I had a clue it was a $100 million budget. To me, to go from a cable show [on] Nickelodeon which I loved, of course too, to possibly be starring in a new “Ghostbusters” remake, it just felt fantastic.

WE: Is there a certain role you really wanted, but didn’t get?

MB: Actually yeah. I went pretty far for “Remember the Titans” for the role of … I can’t remember the name now because I was so upset. It was the big guy. It was played by Ethan Suplee.

WE: Is there anything recently that you tried out for?

MB: I’m up for a new series on Fox called “Freebirds.” It’s nothing guaranteed so don’t write home to mom about that. I just went on my fourth audition and they gave me huge [accolades] saying I was really great and funny and they were going to talk to the writers and try to make the character a little bigger and that’s the last I heard. It was a good sign and all we can do is wish upon a star.

WE: You were on the MTV show “Singled Out.” Were you disappointed you lost?

MB: I needed a date really bad. I was really lonely. Nah. I knew Jenny McCarthy. We’re actually friends. She actually just dumped my friend. She was married to a friend of mine who I worked with on “Weird Science.” They got married and she was dating at the time and I decided to sign up and work my magic. Was I disappointed? No, because to me, the girl was ugly. That’s so rude to say. She didn’t pick me so I’m mad at her. I’m one of those people who will do anything for a laugh or enjoyment.

WE: Do people come up and notice you?

MB: You know what, the hardcore fans do. People that are really good with faces. They know who you are. They can tell by my speech. A lot of people don’t recognize me, because I look a little different, I’m a little cuter.

WE:: What classic movie character do you think you could have portrayed better?

MB: Besides Frankenstein, umm … I would have liked to been one of the Three Stooges. They did a remake on television. I think Michael Chicklis played it. Great job, but I would have liked to had the audition. You know what, I’ll say any sidekick. Because that’s what I am, man. I’ll take over [for] Chris Tucker in “Rush Hour.” I’ll do all that stuff.

WE: A plane crashes exactly between the borders of the U.S. and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?

MB: Canada.

WE: They don’t bury survivors, man.

MB: They don’t? See how you got me. What’s four plus four plus negative two minus eight plus 15 minus 8?

WE: I don’t think you even know. Can you describe to me the awful waffle?

MB: You take a racket. The smallest racket you can with the square pixels and wire frames. You open somebody’s shirt. Hopefully it’s a man. You don’t want to get sued nowadays. You push the racket into the stomach which creates the form of a round waffle. If you push hard enough the wire frames go into their stomach and creates what looks like a waffle, and red on their stomach because you applied the pressure. Now you take the syrup and butter and pour it on top of it. So basically they are a human waffle and it feels really awful, hence, the awful waffle.