‘Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter’

By Brayton Cameron

In short, this was the absolute worst movie I have ever seen, but that is also why it was charming. It was so bad you almost have to show it to other people to get them to believe you.

To start, the movie was obviously filmed on a camera that did not have a microphone. How do I know? There is no natural sound in the film, and the voices are all dubbed over and done so in a manner which is poor at best. This is specifically seen in the character of Mary Magnum, if you try to watch her mouth and listen at the same time you’ll be confused.

My favorite things in the film are the transformation of Jesus and the lack of explanation of why vampires can fight during the day. Yes, you meet Jesus, and almost immediately he gets a hair cut and new clothes so he just looks like a regular guy. And the vampires, well, they’ve had their skin grafted with the skin of lesbians and can now go outside during the day. It’s so bad that it’s good, only it’s still bad.