A bit of advice

Newcomers take heed! Welcome to NIU, the school of eternal construction, the school that imports terrorist geese, the school that never sleeps (well, only during regular business hours), the only schizophrenic school in Illinois (UNI? INU? Lucinda Avenue Vocational Tech?), and most importantly the school that is more interested in getting something from you, than you from it.

I envy you. You have many, many years of increasing tuition ahead of you, while my days here are numbered (in intervals of seven, for some reason). You will get to puzzle out the cryptic words of math gurus, run a monthly phone bill into the 4-digit realm, take English 103/104 where a T.A. may “forget” MLA format, eat at the only cafeterias with designer bug zappers, and attend the little-known Sycamore Snipe Hunt.

Good luck, and I hope you survive it intact.

In closing, I only have one thing to say: If it’s blue, don’t eat it.

Ryan Van Cleave