Husky loses not-so-epic battle

By Mark Pietrowski

Florida was just hit with more bad news: A new hurricane has formed and is scheduled to arrive at 5 p.m. Saturday. Its name is NIU.

The University of Central Florida Golden Knights will play host to the NIU football team in Orlando, Florida.

The hopping-mad kangaroo had no chance last week against the husky, but this week brings a new foe – one that wears protection -and not of the rubber variety.

UCF was originally known as the Knights until 1993, when the school’s athletic director changed the name to the Golden Knights.

So how in the world can a dog with no armor go against a knight – a golden knight, at that – with armor and a sword?

Not wanting this week to be a blowout, Sweeps talked to assistant history professor Valerie Garver, who specializes in medieval history, about the battle of husky versus knight.

“Men of that rank in history were known for having hunting dogs,” Garver said. “They would probably think attacking the husky would be a waste of a good working dog.”

Garver felt the golden knight wouldn’t want to fight the dog at all.

Huskie pride truly is blind, considering that senior criminology major Michael Pettis also touted a husky victory over the golden knight against all logical odds.

“I think the husky would win because he would bite the arm of the knight and get him to drop his sword,” said Pettis. “Once the sword is dropped, the husky pretty much has the battle won.”

So who would win in this apparently close matchup of man against beast?

Final Verdict: Garver presented a good case for a draw this week, but there are no draws in the battle of mascots. I mean, come on, the knight has a freaking sword.

Advantage: Golden Knights.

Editor’s Note: No animals or golden-sword-wielding knights were harmed in the writing of this article.