The Bulls winning line-up here at NIU?

The Bulls did it once again and I knew they would because I am writing this before Sunday’s game. If you are a Suns fan, quit reading this and smack yourself in the head for being so dumb. Bulls fans, continue.

It is amazing how you can compare some of the Bulls and its formidable foes to administrators here at NIU. The playoff games can be compared to events happening at NIU.

Let me set the scenario.

First, have a friend stand on a table with two or three flashlights and wave them around.

Da dant dant dant dant dant da. (I’m Ray Clay) And now your 1993 NIU Bulls…

Number 23, playing shooting guard, from Idontknowwhereicamefrom, Vice President for Finance and Planning Eddie “Jordan” Williams. He seems most comparable to Michael Jordan because Michael’s fast and so is Eddie.

Playing center, number 0, from Imnottellingyou, NIU President John “Perdue” La Tourette. La Tourette is the spitting image of Will. They both play the game once in awhile, but spend most of the game with their butts on the bench and both don’t look like they know what’s going on.

A point guard from Whocareswhere, number 10, NIU Legal Counsel George “Armstrong” Shur. B.J. is very sneaky on the court (thank God he’s on our team) and so is George in the NIU arena.

Number 33 from Howthehelldoiknow, playing small forward, NIU Provost J. Carroll “Scottie” Moody. Pippen is always in the game playing the most minutes and it seems J. Carroll is always in on everything at NIU.

There is no one at this university who even deserves to be compared with John Paxson. He comes through when you need him. Well, no one at this university, also known as Screw U., will shoot the field goal when you really need one. It’s just a fact of student life.

And now for the (cough, cough) competition…

Oh, skip the competition, they don’t really matter. There is no one comparable to Charles Barkley because he speaks his mind and says what he believes in no matter what. I don’t think there’s anyone at NIU who could possibly fit that description.

And now for some little known facts…

‘—NIU Athletic Director Gerald O’Dell played the Phoenix Suns gorilla. The gorilla and O’Dell will do anything, including flips and cartwheels, to keep the athletic program going.

‘—During the middle of the playoffs, La Tourette decided to change the name of the Phoenix Suns because he thought by changing the name the team might gain some respectability.

‘—The Bulls decided to zip the lip when it came to the media and so does the NIU administration. I hope the Bulls players didn’t think they were doing something original because politics and bureaucracy have been around for years. Maybe we can fine our administration $25,000 and get our student fees back.

‘—The Bulls are constructing a new stadium and La Tourette is constructing a new campus. The Bulls, however, probably are smart enough to hire people who won’t do stupid things like, oh, break gas mains.

‘—It’s no accident that the word “bull” is being used for the NIU administration in this column.

‘—La Tourette is the one singing in the “I wanna be like Mike” gatorade commercial.

Let’s hope the NIU Bulls can play a little more like the level of the three-time, world champion Chicago Bulls. You know, use respectability, team work, give a rat’s butt about your fans or your tuition-paying students, whichever they may be.

And as for the Bulls next year? One more – make it four.