Last Thursday, the Weekender presented a local reverend’s view on Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of The Christ.” I thought it only would be fair to get the other side of the story from an atheist perspective, which is a lack of belief in or denial of the existence of God or gods.

Finding an atheist willing to be interviewed was a challenge. They don’t have a central location like a church or synagogue. It’s not like they all gather around to not pray together. Still, I persevered and found one.

After viewing the highly emotional film, I had a discussion with “Dave the Atheist” about the movie’s successes, flaws, controversial subjects and more. Of particular interest was the film’s extensive merchandise and marketing, which actually includes a Nascar at the Daytona 500, a novelization of the Bible, coffee mugs and several pieces of clothing. Warning: spoilers ahead.

Greg: I’d like to thank you for submitting to this interview. It’s got to be a tough time to be an atheist right now.

Dave the Atheist: This is worse than Christmas, but whatever, man. Just as long as I get the Chappelle tickets you promised me. I can’t believe it’s almost sold out.

G: Speaking of not believing … As an atheist, what did you think of “The Passion of The Christ”?

D: I thought the “Lord of the Rings” movies were more realistic. This one carpenter all of a sudden dies for all our sins? Please. And I don’t understand the casting of Jim Caviezel. Everyone knows that Donnie Osmond is the superior Jesus. Caviezel is the Roger Moore of Jesuses. Osmond is the Sean Connery.

G: Doesn’t the fact that a woman died during a screening of the movie in Wichita, Kan., speak to its considerable power?

D: Big deal. I know someone who contracted genital warts while seeing “Welcome to Mooseport,” but did you hear about that in the mainstream media? Nooooo.

G: Do you expect more people to become atheists as a result of the movie?

D: I actually do. Never underestimate how many people resent subtitles.

G: Do you honestly expect me to believe that subtitles will increase your numbers?

D: Latin subtitles will. It was a bad judgment call by Mel Gibson. He should have dubbed it like a Jackie Chan movie.

G: Do you think the movie is anti-Semitic?

D: Not at all. In fact, I think it is pro-Semitic because it disproves many awful myths about Judaism.

G: Like what?

D: Well, there is this idiotic stereotype out there that Jewish people control Hollywood. If that was true, how was Mel Gibson able to release his really racist movie? See — it’s pro-Semitic.

G: What do you think of the “Passion” marketing machine?

D: I think it’s getting out of hand. I mean, I just saw “The Passion of the Christ” G-strings at the Grotto. I could have sworn that I just saw Mary Magdalene on the cover of FHM magazine. This interview is over. Can I get my Chappelle tickets?

G: Sorry. I lied. There are no Chappelle tickets, but whom are you going to complain to? God? Oh, that’s right. You don’t believe in him.

D: Damn you.

G: Damn me to where? You don’t believe in hell either.

Note: Dave the Atheist doesn’t actually exist … or does he?

Columns reflect the opinion of the author and not necessarily that of the Northern Star staff.