Let’s play a game. Which of the following doesn’t belong?

“Liam Neeson gives a bold and passionate performance.” — Jeff Craig, Sixty-Second Preview.

“Big Fish” is a big downer of a movie.” — Greg Feltes, Weekender.

“It is as it was.” — Pope John Paul II.

“I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie.” — Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times.

The correct response is … Jeff Craig. Now, I bet the majority of you answered Pope John Paul II, but you would be wrong. The difference between Craig and the pope is that the pope actually saw the movie that he reviewed (although there is some question about whether he actually said those words, but we will get to that momentarily).

For those who don’t know, Craig is a movie critic who reportedly rarely even sees the movies he reviews. He then sells quotes to media outlets, which film studios take and use on posters and in television ads for movies that otherwise couldn’t get a positive quote without acquiring many, many prostitutes.

My favorite example is a quote touting a certain Mariah Carey bomb: “Of all the movies I have sold my soul over, ‘Glitter’ is, by far, the least comparable to genital herpes.” (Note to the humor-impaired: He didn’t actually say that. He just thought it. All right, he didn’t actually think that.)

It all started when Mel Gibson, a devout, very conservative Catholic, spent $30 million out of his own pocket to make “The Passion of the Christ.” The film details the final hours and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. In a bid to stem criticism of the film’s alleged negative depictions of the Jewish people, Gibson started taking the film around the world to gain the approval of prominent figures.

The Wall Street Journal then reported the pope saw the film in early December 2003 and that the man with the funny hat remarked after the film: “It is as it was,” meaning he considered it an authentic portrayal of Gospel accounts of the last hours of Christ’s life. In other words, two big thumbs up.

Recently, the Vatican press office (yes, even sacred religious institutions have crisis-management teams) has attempted to deny that the pope gave his blessing literarily and figuratively. However, the filmmakers claim to have proof that he did.

Well, in a Weekender exclusive, I can confirm the pope indeed endorsed the film. He even has penned a review for Pope Entertainment Weekly. Through my several connections in Rome, I was able to acquire an excerpt from his rave:

“Let the smoke spring from the chimney of the conclave room. ‘The Passion of the Christ’ is the first great film of 2004. Now, this isn’t a perfect film. First of which, the trailer gave away the ending and it will no doubt suffer from comparisons to the book. Still, Satan immediately distinguishes himself as one of the great film villains of our time. He ranks somewhere below Darth Vader and Sauron, but above Dean Gordon Pritchard and those plastic surgery guys from Star Trek 9. It is most definitely not a date movie.”

Incidentally, the Pope also reviewed “Torque” in the same issue: “It isn’t as it was and should never have been.”

“The Passion of the Christ” will hit theaters Feb. 25 amid a mountain of controversy. It will be interesting to see if Gibson’s shameless use of a religious icon to pimp his movie will have a payoff. One thing is for sure: Jeff Craig will love it.