This flop doesn’t require a helmet

By Erin Wienke

What happens when a once-popular movie is redone with motorcycles?

“Torque,” a.k.a.”The Fast and the Furious Part 3,” is one of the most generic movies to hit the screen this winter.

“Torque’s” blend of non-stop action coupled with horrible dialogue and paper-thin characters makes this movie almost unbearable.

-In the opening scene, two decked out cars are racing down a stretch of desert highway when a motorcycle tries to pass them. The motorcyclist zooms by a sign that reads “Cars Suck.”

The cliches in this movie are endless. From the stereotypical biker guys killing each other with chains from their motorcycles to constant disses of street racers, the hour and a half is packed with bad scene after bad scene.

Ford, played by Martin Henderson of “The Ring,” is the typical misunderstood renegade on the run from the law. He has just returned from Thailand, where he spent the last six months running away from drug dealing allegations. His posse has been waiting for his return, along with his jaded girlfriend who isn’t sure if she’s in love with the ring leader.

Ford looks to prove his innocence by getting his rival bike gang member, Henry (Matt Schulze), arrested. The rest of the movie consists of plenty of gratuitous beer guzzling, scantily clothed girls dancing and chase scenes through every possible location, including the top of a moving train.

The only thing worth mentioning is comedian Dane Cook’s cameo as a yuppie on a motorcycle road trip. His performance makes a few minutes of this movie bearable, but overall it’s heinous.

Of course the good guys always win in the end, but this time a special motorcycle called the “Y2K” has to be used. This crotch rocket supposedly can break the sound barrier. Believable? No. Entertaining? Not really. The unrealistic scene that involves the “Y2K” is a blur of racing, followed by an explosion that left a lot to be desired.

If, for some reason, you go to see “Torque” and you don’t want to hurt yourself, or your sense of thought for that matter, be sure to wear a helmet.