Sorry kids.

*Yawn* It’s a lazy afternoon. And frankly, I don’t feel like delving into the MOOSE archives when I could be outside tanning my ghost white complexion.

Besides, I have more important things to do – like play the new “Legend of Zelda” game and oogle all the fine NIU women.

Anyway, I spoke with my buddy Andy Smith and he wanted to write a little somethin’-somethin’ about “Big Trouble In Little China” this week. And if you’ve never seen “Big Trouble,” it’s MOOSE-tastic. Kurt Russell, kung-fu-fighting, big trucks – who could ask for more? So take it away Andy, and tell the faithful readers something they don’t know:

Big trucks, you said it. Big action and off-the-wall comedy? You got it. Kurt Russell plays the star role as an overzealous John Wayne-type action hero, whose mouth is as thick as his skull.

Jack Burton is a truck driver that named his truck “The Pork Chop Express” because he ships pigs to be slaughtered.

Burton kills time by shouting things over the radio like, “It’s like I told my last wife. Honey, I says, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides, it’s all in the reflexes.”

Armed with a knife, funky boots and a low-brow cocky attitude, Burton is ready to take on the evil magician Lo Pan.

Lo Pan is cursed to live for eternity with “no flesh” until he can get a Chinese girl with green eyes to marry him and then kill her.

Lucky for me, my girlfriend has blue eyes.

Bad for Burton’s best friend Wang Chi, whose girlfriend just happens to be Chinese and have green eyes. Go figure.

Why not call the cops? Burton says, “they got better stuff to do than dying.”

So when the magic and monsters are more than the two can handle, Burton and Wang team up with Egg Shen, an old magician/tour bus driver who is the expert on Lo Pan and ninjas.

“Big Trouble” is not your normal kung-fu movie. It seems as though Burton is along for the ride because he has nothing better to do.

This movie covers a wide variety of genres. Horror, comedy and sci-fi are just some of the categories you could throw this under.

“Big Trouble” has slowly but surely become a cult film that has surpassed many generations of criticism and still comes through.

The thing that makes this movie great is that it is one of those movies that becomes better if you watch it twice.

You won’t have to pay attention to the plot the second time around, but you can pay attention to all of Burton’s gung-ho sayings like, “OK, you people, sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn … call the president.”

So the next time you’re in Chinatown, remember what ol’ Jack Burton would say, “What the hell?”