Bootleggers release long awaiter ‘Star Wars Episode 3’

By Andrew Duff

While most fans are still waiting for “Star Wars: Episode 3” to come out, Theodore Millard has been watching and sending it to everyone he knows for the last two weeks.

The Northern Star first got word of this story when one of its reporters, Phil Lennar, stumbled upon the movie using a file sharing service.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Lennar said. “I was just looking for ‘Star Wars,’ er, fan movies, when I realized I was actually watching ‘Episode 3.'”

Enclosed within the file of “Episode 3: Jedi’s Ending,” is a text message from Millard, urging fans to spread the movie as quickly as they can before George Lucas realizes his error and attempts to get the copy back.

“In my opinion, it was probably an e-mail mistake. My e-mail is probably similar to the real George Lucas’. But when he finds out, I’m toast,” Millard said in the text message.

Millard’s whereabouts have yet to be traced, though from his speech manner, most believe he is living in the United States.

Though “Episode 3” itself still has wire frames for all the 3D actors, it’s all there, and the plot for the movie is very surprising. If you’re a hardcore fan of “Star Wars,” skip the next section of this article, as we’re going to be revealing some very surprising twists to the future movie.

– Jar Jar Binks plays a much bigger role than in “Episode 2.” He heads to Wershso, planet of the wookies, in an attempt to stop the galactic war and wacky hijinx ensue.

– Obi-Wan has a tryst with an alien, resulting in a chance for Lucas to comment on racism in his imaginary galaxy, as Obi-Wan and his lover, Gracklax, face discrimination.

– Anakin Skywalker cries bitterly several times, ending in an embarrassing scene where snot drips out of his nose, a la “Blair Witch Project.”

– George Lucas’ kids take on a prominent role in the film, as the playmates of toddlers, Luke and Leia, and steal a good half hour of the movie with their cute antics and light saber battle.

– Yoda escapes to Dagoba not to avoid the slaughter of the Jedi by the Empire, but instead because he is convicted of using the Star Wars universe’s version of cannabis.

These are just a few of the amazing twists George Lucas has taken for the movie, and though “Episode 3” won’t be out until 2005, fans have a lot to look forward to. Though if they have a file-sharing program, perhaps the wait won’t be quite as long.

Editor’s Note: The information contained in this report is fictitious.courtesy photo

Via the Internet, “Star Wars: Episode 3” finally has made it into the hands of techies everywhere.