Some thoughts on the weaker sex

Okay people, today I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Well, actually the good part and the bad part depends on whether you’re a man or a woman. Being a woman, I’m going to head the good news in my favor. Here it is … women live longer! Yes, I know most of you have heard this before, but this tendency to outdo men goes farther than you think.

Not only do women live longer but we distinguish colors better, have sharper senses of taste and better senses of smell, stutter less and have less ulcers and hernias.

Men reading at this point are smirking at me and saying, “Oh yeah? Well so what babe, most of you aren’t even a match for us in things that count, like SPORTS!”

To you all I say that you are mostly right, key word here being mostly. I say this because, even though women don’t match men in most outdoor sports, research has shown that women perform better in physical activities in which more stamina is required, explaining greatly the gulf between men and women as far as sexual performances are concerned.

But I digress, my intention here was not to bash on men but to give them some tips so that they can maybe last a little longer.

Tip #1. Stop killing yourselves! Studies have shown that among the top 10 causes of death men outnumber women in all of them. This makes more sense when you think about the fact that men smoke more, drink more, kill each other more often, and like dangerous toys, a.k.a. CARS! Men also have poorer overall eating habits than women.

So I guess incorporated into this tip is to eat better, try to not be so violent with each other, a.k.a. play nice, get rid of all your bad habits and for goodness sake SLOW DOWN CLARK(s)!

Tip #2. Chill out and don’t stress so much. A leading cause for men dying younger is that they are more likely to develop diseases that are aggravated by stress.

Now for a long time people thought that this was an excellent explanation for why women were living longer, since most women were stuck in the kitchen and lived a stressless life of ease.

Not! But we won’t dwell upon that fallacy at this time. Stories and reasoning began to change when women started working more and things became somewhat equal in the stress factor.

Actually, it is kind of funny. When women started leaving the home and getting jobs, men were waiting for us to start dropping like flies because working women, it is well known, not only would have the stress of work, but also the stress from children and homemaking once they got home. Here’s the funny part—surprise, surprise—working women proved to be and remain as healthy as women who were still at home.

So what do we learn from this second tip? First of all we learn that women will probably continue to outlive men throughout the world, at least for the time being.

But concerned women, there is something you can do for your man and I call on all of us women to do our share in helping our weaker sex to live longer. Be nice to them, make sure they eat right, don’t let them around dangerous objects and go out and get those jobs that cause the most stress for them, a.k.a. the top spots! Maybe they’ll last longer staying at home.