Melissa and I went through the drive-thru at Wendy’s on Wednesday. We hadn’t eaten all day and being poor — we work at a newspaper after all — we figured cheap, decent fast food would suffice.

I like my food simple, I like my wardrobe simple, I like my relationships simple — I just like the simple life.

I don’t like a lot of junk on my food. I can’t stand mayonnaise or onions or lettuce cluttering my sandwiches. I eat the “Fire” hot sauce from Taco Bell on french fries, not ketchup.

I ordered a cheeseburger, no lettuce, no tomato, no mayo. Just the burger and the cheese. As Melissa pulled away from the window, I unwrapped my dinner and found it dripping with mayonnaise and ketchup and all that other nasty stuff that I didn’t want.

So I got out of the car and walked back into Wendy’s.

I completely understand that those drive-thru speakers are usually crappy. It’s cool, people make mistakes.

But I can’t deal with all those extras. I’ve tried to eat all the extras on my burger when I didn’t have the courage to go up to the counter, but I couldn’t.

One day, I realized that the lady at the counter wasn’t so scary after all, and now every time, I make sure to correct the order.

No fuss, no muss, I just want my cheeseburger.

The guy at the counter apologized and handed me my cheeseburger — just the burger and the cheese — and I was on my merry way.

I don’t consider myself a picky eater, I just know what I want.

It’s such a simple thing. Plus, they get to save on lettuce and tomatoes.

I’m doing them a service!

My wardrobe is pretty simple, too. Women’s clothing is riddled with gizmos and gadgets and funky strappy thingies that just get really confusing.

I was subjected to the Victoria’s Secret Winter runway show on ABC last week. I got to see a lot of the new styles in outrageously expensive lingerie — which is odd because who else really sees your underwear?

Why would you need tassels and fringe and fur and sparkles and wings? It’s underwear, not your senior prom.

Give me a sweater and my bootcut jeans any day. I really can’t afford all the extra fabric, buttons, beads, strings, bells and whistles.

If I’m going to spend $75 on underwear, it better do a lot more than your normal underwear. It better write term papers, edit stories and it better produce functional relationships with the opposite sex.

I heard the relationship dilemma described best years ago on a comedy program. Men (or women) are like parking spots: all the good ones are either handicapped or taken.

When you’re driving around the parking lot in Wal-Mart and it’s raining outside, you’ll circle and circle hoping for someone to relinquish one of the treasured spots near the entrance.

Unfortunately, you usually end up settling for one in the back rows and getting soaked.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this one, but relationships can be the same way because all too often we settle. We lower our expectations, and we go for what appears best at the time.

I don’t have the time or patience to deal with a guy who carries more baggage than an overhead compartment on a Boeing 747.

Unfortunately, this is all many of us have known. This is all I’ve known.

I’ve dealt with fanatics, commitment-phobes, alcoholics, suicidal guys, angry guys, controlling guys, even one guy who had a daughter — I didn’t know that until later, but it explained a lot.

I look back and kick myself. What was I thinking? Why would I put myself through that?

In the end, we pay dearly for our mistakes. We hurt ourselves and sometimes, others around us.

It’s really not worth it.

If we can walk into a restaurant and correct an order or pass up fancy, but unnecessary underwear, why is it so hard for so many of us to relinquish Mr. or Ms. Wrong in search of Mr. or Ms. Right?

The problem lies in the myth that being single is worse than being in a bad relationship.

This really isn’t logical. On one hand you can keep your options open, continue circling the parking lot for a really good spot, or you can give in, deal with the pain and recover.

What a vicious cycle of pain, only suitable for masochists.

Life is too complicated as it is to do that to yourself.

Take a long look at your options, but stick with your expectations.

I wanted a cheeseburger … just the burger and the cheese. And it was good.