Trick-or-treating the.administration of NIU

Every Halloween, it’s harder to find something different to do and even harder to create an innovative costume.

This year, I could’ve worn a sweat shirt with foreign letters on it, had a beer in both hands and leered at women with big hair. Nah, I didn’t want to be a frat boy.

I could’ve gotten some cement, mixed it up into an hourglass shape and let it dry, but people would have thought I was the sculpture in the King Memorial Commons.

I could’ve gotten out my black Doc Martens, other black thrift store clothes and looked all angst-ridden because of the rough creative process, but I didn’t feel like being an art major.

So, I wound up getting an old mask from high school out and

going as Hulk Hogan, the steroid-taking professional wrestler.

Wanting to do something on Halloween that’s never been done before, I gathered an entourage to go trick-or-treating. I know, that’s not new. But where we went is another story altogether. We went trick-or-treating at the houses of the NIU administration:

NIU President John La Tourette—We decided to start at the house that ex-NIU President Clyde Wingfield so nicely redecorated a few years back. A lady we will assume is Mrs. La Tourette answered at the door, inquired how many were in our group and gave us each some primo loot—Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. One treatster who was dressed as a spider said she saw the good Dr. La Tourette in the background doing the hula and wearing a flowery shirt, grass skirt and a lei in anticipation of getting the job as president of the University of Hawaii. Didn’t see it, can’t confirm it.

Eddie Williams, NIU Vice President of Finance and Planning and brainchild of the Campus Life Building—A nice little boy came to the door and gave our group lots of good candy. Contrary to what I expected, Dr. Williams was not passing out little models of the CLB monument nor keychains which read “My student fee money goes to pay for the Campus Life Building.”

Vice President for Student Affairs Barbara Henley—We couldn’t find an address on this one. There is no truth to the rumor that Dr. Henley was seen riding a broom over the moon’s silhouette late Saturday night.

Dean of Liberal Arts and Sciences James Norris—A somewhat groggy woman answered the door and said she was out of candy. In all fairness, it was after 8 p.m. by the time we hit the Norris home.

Provost J. Carroll Moody—The Moody family was not home, but like a good liberal educator, a Carol Moseley Braun sign was posted in the window.

Vice President for Business Operations James Harder—Nobody home, no lights on and a menacing dog barking kept us at a distance.

Robert Self, director of the freshman English program—Lived way out there, so we didn’t hit the PC palace. But I’ll bet he wanted to change the name of Halloween to something a little more gender-neutral.

NIU Athletic Director Gerald O’Dell—No one appeared to be home. Maybe Mr. O’Dell was out panhandling for donations to the athletic department, seeing as NIU funding will cease soon.