If you’re a guy who has a Labubu clipped to your hip, wired headphones that blasts clairo 24/7, only drinks matcha and reads feminist literature – fellas I hate to break it to you, you might be a performative male.
All jokes aside, there is nothing wrong with liking any of these things if you are a guy. I personally love listening to Clairo, but a problem arises if you are only into these things to attract a partner and gain women’s approval.
The rise of performative men garnered its fame through TikTok, sparking a trend poking fun at men who wear cardigans, drink matcha and take interest in things that do not typically assign to their own gender norms.
Because of this many jokes have popped up on social media, including nationwide performative male dress-up competitions. The competitions encouraged men to gather and live up to the stereotype.
A performative man is someone who has constructed his identity not out of the love of the game or what he likes, but because he wants to be perceived as attractive to potential love interests. We live in a world – especially due to social media – where we curate our personality in a way to show the best sides of ourselves, even if that may not be our true self.
Being performative means that it is simply a performance and no one can keep up an act forever. The mask will eventually slip and people will see you for who you truly are. Any relationships built based on a performative male aesthetic will fail because you were only interested in it to get a partner.
You don’t have to pretend to be someone else to get a partner. I can imagine it’s exhausting having to keep up a facade and hide who you are.
Leah Aguirre, a licensed clinical social worker, wrote in a Psychology Today article that you are only invalidating your own lived experiences if you have to change who you are to get a partner.
“When you try to pretend that you are someone else, you are essentially at odds with your true self and subconsciously (and also maybe consciously) reinforcing the belief that who you are ‘is not good enough.’ It is rejecting and invalidating your values, interests, life experiences and identity, which are always valid,” Aguirre said.
If you feel the need to change your personality to get into a relationship with someone you might not be compatible with that person after all.
It all boils down to being true to yourself. People love authenticity and your best chance at finding a compatible partner will be because you are being yourself.
At the end of the day a man can take interest in Labubus, Clairo and Beabadoobee. However, if you are only doing it to get someone’s attention, you come across as empty. You aren’t attractive, you are just superficial.
But if you genuinely are the guy who likes to read feminist literature and drink matcha, keep on doing that, but do it because you actually love it, not because you think someone else will like you if you do.
