Steelers down Packers in Superbowl… sort of

By Jimmy Johnson and Andrew Singer

Ben Roethlisberger had his way with the Green Bay defense in Super Bowl XLV, pounding the Packers 24-0 to capture his third Super Bowl victory, and first Super Bowl MVP award.

Roethlisberger completed 16-of-21 passes for 228 yards and two touchdowns. On the other side of the ball, the Steelers’ defense kept the Green Bay offense from getting into any sort of rhythm.

It appeared at first that the Steelers were going to rely on their running game, with Rashard Mendenhall plowing through Packers’ defenders on runs of 13 and 17 yards during the opening quarter. Pittsburgh head coach Mike Tomlin called Roethlisberger’s number, though, to put points on the board.

“We all deserve second chances in America,” Tomlin said. “Ben took advantage of his, and if he didn’t make changes in his life he’d most likely be in an alley naked, laying in a pool of his own urine and drool.”

After being presented with the Super Bowl MVP award, Roethlisberger broke down in tears. Following five minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, the Steelers’ quarterback quietly went off on a self-indulging rant.

“I could put it wherever I wanted tonight,” Roethlisberger said. “I can’t be stopped. Anybody who says they are better than me is dreaming. I am beloved.”

Antwaan Randle El led the Steelers receivers with five catches for 68 yards and one touchdown. Mike Wallace made his only catch on a 53-yard touchdown reception.

Aaron Rodgers went 5-of-18 for 59 yards and an interception. Green Bay’s running back James Starks went from the feel-good story of the postseason to just another Super Bowl flop, rushing for four yards on eight rushing attempts.

“We just picked the wrong day to not show up,” Rodgers said. “The Steelers have been here before, and they knew how to act in this situation. We will learn from this before we get back here next year.”

The Steelers controlled the ball for the majority of the game, dominating time of possession 13:49 to 6:11. A terrible time-keeping accident led to five-minute quarters. Surprisingly, neither coach seemed to mind. The game lasted little over an hour.

Green Bay wide receiver Greg Jennings caught two passes for 36 yards. Jennings saw his night come to an end on his second catch of the night. The former Western Michigan Bronco broke his leg, but managed to run five yards after the injury initially occurred.

“I was just trying to put the team on my back,” Jennings said. “Once I broke my leg, I just thought I had to do this for Madden. I couldn’t get it done for Madden tonight, though.”


Editor’s note: This is a recap of a simulation run on Madden NFL 2011. None of the people, quotes, or events specified in this story actually happened. They’re video games, people. It’s not real; it didn’t happen.