Have you ever had a friend who entered a new relationship and then stopped making time for you? If so, this Ask Madelaine submission might be worth your while.

Me and my best friend, we never really hang out or talk anymore. She has a boyfriend, but she’s always with her boyfriend. I understand that her boyfriend is probably more important but I just wish she would give up like at least an hour so we can hang out. I want to like talk to her about it but I don’t want to sound mean or lose our friendship. Any advice? 

Anonymous

If this is your best friend, even though it may be difficult, you should be able to have an honest conversation with her without the worry that it will cost you your friendship. If you’re truly best friends, it would take a lot more than this conversation to lose that relationship and end that bond.

As someone in a romantic relationship, it can be overwhelming and can be easy to make your whole life or routine revolve around your partner – especially in the beginning. It might take a while for your friend to find the perfect balance between her boyfriend, you (her best friend) and work and/or school. Be patient, supporting, understanding and kind. If you are angry and rude about the situation, that could escalate the situation and cause issues.

The next chance you have to spend quality time together, say that you miss her, miss hanging out with her and miss her company. Make it known that you respect her relationship and her boyfriend, but that you need time with your best friend. 

If she is truly your best friend, she won’t be angry. She will understand that you’re coming from a place of love and that you miss that quality time together. Hopefully, this conversation leads to one where you can both schedule or set time aside to hang out every week or so. That way, you’re both guaranteed to have at least some time together on a regular basis.

If you get along with your best friend’s boyfriend to the point where you wouldn’t mind hanging out with him as well, ask to tag along here and there. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you will be a third wheel. Three people can spend time together without anyone feeling left out. This also doesn’t mean that you should try to hang out with them whenever they are going to do something; they are in a relationship and need their time alone together as well. 

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