Christmas, what a holiday.

Everyone is hustling and bustling to find ways to keep their friends, kiddies or grand-kiddies happy on that eventful day when the wrapping paper and ribbons litter the entire house.

But if those gift getters only knew what the gift givers went through to purchase those presents…

And they’re off! Grandma’s alarm goes off at 7 a.m. The malls open at 9 a.m. In order to make any sort of headway, she needs to wait outside the mall an hour before it opens.

The doors open and, luckily, only three baby carriages are in the way which Grandma hurdles effortlessly. Unfortunately, her purple purse snagged a 3-year-old’s pigtails, who is reluctantly dragged over the carriages as well.

Once Grandma untangles the unconscious child from her purse straps, she heads to the third floor where the adorable jammies are with the feet still in them (usually pink or blue). These are the first gifts on her list for Robbie and Jiffy, the cutest twins this side of Texas.

(Little does she know that Robbie wants the bazooka that goes with his military kit and Jiffy really needs the “Tiffany’s for Children” diamond earring set).

Next on Grandma’s list is any book, game or puzzle that begins with the letter “P” for her grandchild, Penelope. However, all the “P” books, games and puzzles are gone by 9:15 and Grandma begins to panic.

Gaining composure, she decides to buy any old book and carve it in the shape of a “P.” Now that’s thinking.

Next mission: the toy store. With purse swinging, Grandma makes her way down each aisle of the toy store with only two clerks getting flesh wounds.

She finally finds the 10 G.I. Joe figures that combine to form one huge gorilla that glows in the dark when you squeeze him and speaks three of the ever-popular languages of gibberish.

But Grandma can’t find the needed high-heel dancing shoes that sparkle and play music for Barbie’s cousin Bimbo, who is the lead singer in the band The Five B’s & Dude (Bimbo, Buxom, Blondie, Babbette and Beemer).

Leaving this gift to another day, Grandma runs through two Santas, a Salvation Army woman and the Boy Scouts on her way to the women’s clothing store at the other end of the mall.

Her daughter would never forgive her if she forgot about the cashmere sweater she’s wanted since she was 10. But once again, Grandma’s plans are thwarted, and she must hunt for something else.

She decides the green, blue, orange and brown scarf that goes very well with most any elderly woman’s ensemble would be perfect.

At 8:55 p.m. (five minutes before the mall closes) Grandma searches for her son-in-law’s gift. She buys him underwear, in case he gets in a car accident (you can never have too much clean underwear).

The next day, she finds Bimbo’s shoes and the many miscellaneous things her friends and neighbors have nagged her about for the past three months.

On Dec. 25, paper and bows fly. In a matter of 15 minutes, all her hard work is discovered. But at least she got a scarf out of the whole deal.