“Alex, you are so lucky that you don’t have to date guys!”

I looked up from my beer, readily agreeing. But I’m pretty sure I had different reasons than she did. Denise was talking about trying to get a guy to commit himself to a girl.

“Damn!” she said,”And they say pregnancy is tough to go through. Compared to this impossible task, I’m looking forward to nine months of pregnancy and a few hours of labor!”

The other girls at the table laughed and bobbed their heads in agreement.

I suppose I should have kept quiet, but I was the only male at the table and I felt I should make some attempt at defending us.

Oh, c’mon Denise! Our reasons for not wanting to get involved in a relationship are usually pretty legitimate!

“Reasons?” she barked. “Don’t you mean excuses? Believe me, I’ve heard them all.”

“Oh, honey,” she said in a very sarcastic and deep, gruff voice, “‘I love you, but I’m not sure if this is right’, or, ‘I need my freedom’, or ‘I want to date around—see other people—just to make sure this is right!'”

“Or how about,” Sherry continued, laughing hysterically, “‘I’m not sure what I want’, or, ‘If I wanted a relationship it would be with you!'”

“And you know what else?” Jean chimed in. “They always start with ‘I love you’ and end with ‘I still want to be friends!'”

Denise spoke up again.

“I was at a business lunch during my internship, when the discussion turned to marriage. All of the older women were talking about how hard it was to discuss the ‘M’ word (marriage) with their boyfriends. All I could think of was how difficult it was to get college guys to talk about the ‘C’ word—commitment!”

“Then my boss mentioned that she was married after only five months of dating! (Denise had to pause here, as cries of astonishment and ‘No way!’ interrupted her.)

“So,” she went on, “I asked my boss if she was certain that her husband was a human male!”

“Five months!” I almost shouted. “Who is this guy, and why is he ruining our curve?!”

Instead I told them that they were all getting a little ridiculous!

“Guys are so typical,” Denise said, shaking her head sadly.

“Just think about the time and energy that we put into almost every relationship,” she said to the other girls.

“First, there are two weeks of preliminary flirting, then a month of dating while ‘seeing’ other people.

Then the “going steady” stage, which lasts two to five months. Then another month or two of unsteadiness, and the guy not being sure of what he wants, followed by a week or two of seeing other people—until we actually do.

After this, the guy will want to date again for a week, then he will either break-up with the girl or realize how stupid he was, and stick with her!”

As Denise finished with this time-line, the waitress walked up and asked us if we needed anything.

I put my beer aside and asked for a cup of coffee—it was getting awfully cold at that table.