Editor’s Note: The fact that Dan is writing a column based on a somewhat timely (not to mention somewhat marshmallowy) subject in no way reflects a change in his personality, priorities or morals, or a radical revamp in the editorial attitudes of this newspaper. Further publication or unauthorized use of this material without the licensed and written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited.

I decided I really wanted to bust out and blow some dough this weekend, so I went over to the Sandburg Auditorium and let loose with a buck (my date and the midget paid for themselves) to see “When Harry Met Sally” for the second time.

Besides being a great flick and an extremely funny one, this movie looked deeply into a long-ignored, but very common, type of friendship—an oddity that has been christened the Harry-and-Sally relationship.

I think most of us probably have a relationship like this. If you don’t, you better run out and get one because they’re in.

In case you’re not sure exactly what it is, a Harry-and-Sally relationship is essentially a real close friendship (maybe of the best friend variety) between a guy and a girl. They’ve never been anything more than friends, and maybe they never will. In other words: Two people committed to each other’s happiness for no good, apparent reason.

Nobody in their lives is really sure why they won’t be anything more than friends. It could be because of something as simple as a matter of timing.

The movie takes a side about these types of relationships. It contends that average heterosexual men and women can never be just close friends, and it even goes as far as to say that this is the way things have to be because guys basically want to have sex with anything in pink wearing barrettes.

Oh, of course! This is definitely the case! Guys are a bunch of sex-crazed maniacs who don’t know the meaning of self-control. Hell, I remember just last week I saw an average looking girl walking across campus. I immediately dropped to my knees, foamed at the mouth and broke out in a big enough sweat to fill a swimming pool! I would have run after her, but my tongue was hanging so low to the ground that I tripped over it!

I’m OK. Honest.

Harrys and Sallys are all over the place. You see a guy and a girl holding each other, or being all playful together, or sharing a Kodak moment, and you ask one of their other friends if they’re seeing each other. More often than not, the friend reponds, “No, they have a Harry-and-Sally thing.”

Sometimes though, a Harry-and-Sally relationship might be looked on as a consolation prize by one of the parties. Consider this:

“Hey, you still goin‘ out with that girl I saw you with?”

“Uh, no. We went out a few times, but we both decided—”

“Harry-Sally?”

“Yep.”

“Nuff said. I’m sorry to hear that, man. Let me buy you a beer.”

“I have a Sally. She’s never faked an orgasm in the middle of a crowded restaurant, but she’s pretty cool.”