I was racking my brain for column ideas when I realized the answer/topic was within my grasp. Literally.

I was gulping down a Diet Coke with one hand and armed with a Bic pen in the other. This is a common ritual for me, as I consume a 12-pak of Diet Coke roughly every three days.

Apparently I am not alone. A recent study predicted Diet Coke will overtake sugared Pepsi in the cola market by 1992. Pretty impressive for a product that was created only ten years ago. (Glamour, Dec. 1989: p. 76, for all you bibliographic sticklers)

I feel absolutely ridiculous when I go into a fast-food place and order a large fry, quarter-pounder with cheese—extra pickles—and a caramel sundae with nuts, adding feebly, “Oh, and a Diet Coke, too.” It’s the same for other restaurants—a full slab of barbecued ribs, french onion soup, rolls, a salad, a baked potato laden with butter and, of course, four diet colas.

I won’t even think of drinking a regular Coke, Pepsi, RC or Jewel-brand soda, rolling my eyes with disgust at the prospect of 150 additional calories. It doesn’t matter that I’ve just consumed twice that with the fries alone. I think I’m being “good” if I reach for the saccharine/Nutrasweet.

Subconsciously, I tend to think a Diet Coke and a Baby Ruth/Dove Bar/Big Mac somehow cancel each other out—zero calories negates 140 grams of fat. Naive, but true.

Take the holidays, for example. After stuffing myself with stuffing, I immediately downed a Diet Coke and thought “Phew! I feel better now,” ignoring my relative’s sarcastic comments such as, “Like that’ll really make a difference, Lynn.”

In my case, the diet cola obsession stems from my freshman weight gain. Yes, I joined the statistics, succumbed to Pow Wow Hurricanes and hamburgers every day and promptly gained 25 pounds. Before I knew it, I was up to six cans of diet soda a day to assure myself I was not out of control.

I was, of course, and it took me six months of aerobics, biking, salads, biking, rice cakes and biking to drop the weight. But I still adhered to Diet Coke, popping the tab whenever I had the urge for a Ding Dong.

However, I have wised up and stopped drinking Diet Coke during my Tuesday/Thursday classes. It gets quite embarrassing running to the john five times in a 74 minute class.

One thing does bother me about Diet Coke addiction – that little warning label on the can declaring, “Phenylketonurics: contains Phenylalanine.” I haven’t had chemistry in about six years, but I tend to be dubious of ingredients I can’t spell, define or pronounce.

Too much of one thing probably isn’t healthy, so I may cut down on the no-cal cola consumption. But with finals week and Christmas approaching, I think I’ll put it off until 1990. I could use the caffeine for cramming and would like to fit in my Christmas outfits.

So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just finish this can before it goes flat and mosey over to the cookie jar. After all, I’ve burned at least 50 calories (1 Oreo) just writing this.