Dreams, the fantasies of our goals, wants and needs. Let’s peer into the dreams of a few of my favorite celebrities to find possible motives behind their behavior.

Frightfully, the first person who comes to my mind is Mr. Bush. In his slumber, images of shuttles with nuclear cargo might dance through his head or possibly a Panamanian pal exchanging green paper for white powder.

Of course an ideal fantasy needs a proper nightmare to accompany it. Mr. Bush’s worst nightmare would be, of course, spending more on a relief fund for the people of San Francisco than the military.

Ronald Reagan, what a president! He is one of the lucky few to have lived his fantasy. His nightmare would be if the documents about his “presidential” actions in the Iran/Contra affair were made public, poor Ronnie.

Zsa Zsa’s heavenly zzz’s at one point included a world of inflatable people where she holds the pin cussion; her nightmare? Reality.

Jim and Tammy are the next on the hit list of REM sleep. The surprise here is neither Bakker has the same dream in mind. Jimmy’s fantasy includes a pile of money, a cross and group of scantily clad bimbos; use your imagination. Jimmy’s nightmare includes a pile of money, a cross, a group of scantily clad bimbos and the FBI.

Tammy’s “heaven” is to be one of the inflatables in Zsa Zsa’s fantasy, and of course, her nightmare is to be popped.

The ever-popular Huda Scheidelman dreams the dream of many children: President of the United States. Alas, she tumbles and turns in sweat soaked sheets during the nightmare of a Northern Star editorial that states a requirement for president is maturity.

Roderick Groves has a recurring fantasy that the suppression of the Regency schools will cure his hair loss. His nightmare? He is chasing a mob of angry toupees carrying signs with “Tenure” painted on them who tease him by just barely sitting on his head and jumping off.

Geraldo Rivera dreams of a memorial tombstone saying, “here lies a man for the people.” Catastrophe for Geraldo would be a tombstone that reads “here lies a man, in forty years grab a shovel, maybe he’ll have moved.”

How about another dream disaster? Well, how about a few hints? He carried a note from home when he traveled to Japan and played on the Japanese rollercoasters. He is infamous for stating “a mind is a terrible thing to lose” credited to personal experience. Yep, void of intelligence, and thus dreams, he is the current nightmare of most Americans, Dan Quayle.

An average college Jo or Jolene might consider one nightmare to be waking one day to find finals have been scheduled for the same day in five classes, a teacher who assigns a one-page paper covering the French, Russian and American Revolutions and the only article of clothing available is the mismatched sock used to clean the bathroom.

Average Jo fantasies are too diverse to discuss and full of sexual innuendoes that just aren’t printable, but feel free to send me some examples, I’m as sex-starved as the rest of you.

What about me? Well one fantasy involves a steamy bathroom and a sexily clad significant other in which imagination is the only limit. My nightmare? Why that’s easy, the assassination of Bush and Quayle, calling back Ronald Reagan to active or rather passive duty while he is on life support and portraying the hero in the last western ever made.