I’ve been reading lately (Surprised? Teacher says I’m way ahead of everybody else in my group.) about college seniors who don’t know very much about past events or literature.

All the best newspapers (See Oct. 13 The Northern Star) have been carrying stories and editorials about tests given to college seniors to quiz their knowledge of history and literature. The results were apparently pretty disappointing, and because the test was originally meant for high school seniors, that made it even more disappointing.

I guess some of the bozos who took this thing said stuff about Columbus discovering America after the year 1500, Germany and England being allies in World War II and not having any idea when the Civil War took place.

Now, I’m not so sure this test was very accurate because they only gave it to 700 students, nationwide. That’s no excuse for the results being so low, but I really don’t think the rest of us got a fair chance. And, I think all class levels should have been allowed to take this test because let’s face it—in college, half of us don’t know what year we are anyway.

So, what I’ve done here is thrown together a little self test everybody can take when they have a free moment during a sleepy lecture class, or can’t get anything done in the library because of The Mouth sitting at the table next to you. Please answer by raising your hand. Here goes:

How many of you thought the Inquisition was the a dance club in downtown Chicago?

How many of you thought “Bright Lights, Big City” and “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing” were written by William Shakespeare?

How many of you thought the King of Siam was one-fifth of a royal flush in poker?

How many of you thought “The Divine Comedy” was a Three Stooges flick?

How many of you thought it was a “tell all” book written The Marx Brothers?

While we’re on Marx, how many thought Karl Marx was Richard Marx’s great grandfather?

How many of you thought Davy Crockett was a character on Miami Vice?

How many of you know what year the War of 1812 started in?

How many of you thought Magna Carta was a fraternity?

How many of you thought the Round Table was just a shopping mall restaurant?

How many of you thought Plymouth Rock was a new kind of progressive music?

How many of you thought General Custer was one of the characters in the Clue board game?

How many of you thought the Great Depression was just a nickname for a monster pothole on Lucinda Avenue?

How many of thought Tennesee Williams was country/western singer, a minor league baseball coach or the sherriff in “Gunsmoke”?

How did we do? If you raised your hand a few times, I guess you’re pretty normal. If you raised your hand five or six times, it’s a good thing you’ve got that athletic scholarship. If you raised your hand nine or ten times, I wouldn’t spend to much money getting copies of that resume. If you raised your hand for anymore than that, I’ll bet you I can hit your hand if you hold it right in front of your face.