Who is Victor E. Huskie, and why?

The dog, the myth, the legend.

He’s gone from loveable and huggable and everybody’s furry little friend to a Jekyll and Hyde sort of mascot. A split personality. One minute, he’s the family pet. The next, he’s Wolfen. Look out folks. This could get violent.

Fixing him up with an expensive, new set of “doggie duds,” in the words of Diane Strand from NIU Public Information, has done more than give everybody’s favorite party dog a brand new look.

So what if he looked more like a kangaroo than a pooch before? Has anybody seen his new outfit? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Nasty, sharp claws. Huge, ferocious teeth. The eyes of a hellhound. And what’s with the huge haunches and massive shoulders? Been working out lately, Vic?

And you know what? Somebody from good old NIU designed the new threads. Well, at least the terror caused by this mutt in mass murderer’s clothing will be kept all in the family.

Which would you rather have? A dog mascot that looks more like a kangaroo, or a dog mascot that looks more like Freddy Krueger?

And if he’s got such a fancy, new costume, why hasn’t he been wearing it? Well, suppose you take your grandma to a football game and your little brother or sister, for that matter.

If the Dr. Jekyll Victor E. Huskie is at that game, it’s a fun little family affair. The little ones laugh and play with his nose, and Vic pretends that he wants to kiss grandma and all that other cute crap.

But, what if the Mr. Hyde Victor E. Huskie happens to get the call? Suddenly, we’ve got a Code Blue on the way to the Kish and a couple of really freaked out, bawling little kids.

Furry friend or furry fiend? You make the call.

Attention: Here comes the “And another thing!” portion of today’s column.

And another thing! Who’s hiding behind the cheap fur, anyway? We want to know. It could be anybody. Somebody dangerous, somebody famous, somebody with wierd taste. Are you ready to let your imaginations run wild? OK, go:

NIU President John La Tourette. Think about it. I’ve never seen them together. Have you?

Andre Dawson. He should look for a good place to hide after the way he did in the playoffs.

A Student Association senator. Well, I had to throw my weekly SA bash in here somewhere.

Joan Rivers. A dog is a dog.

Sylvester Stallone. Only Rambo could repel off Huskie Stadium the way Vic did.

Whoever had the bright idea of hiring a bargain basement sculptor to make the Martin Luther King Jr. statue for NIU? Like Andre, he should hide, too.

Richard Church. Psychopath. Fugitive. Alleged murderer. Dog. (Well, where else could he be?)

Former SA Community Affairs Adviser Brian Subatich. The SA dropped him, but mascot is a job that holds just as much dignity.

Oh, Victor E., we hardly knew ye.

Whoever is inside that thing, he or she (Well, I have to say “he or she.” I don’t want the Feminist Front coming down on me because I didn’t entertain the possibility that Victor could actually be Victoria. I’m a man of the 90s, you know.) must be a glutton for punishment. It’s probably about 2,000 degrees in that suit, and this poor soul has to run around like he or she enjoys feeling like a baked potato. I think we all owe that person a beer and a hearty handshake.