Suggestion: think twice about breaking up with your girlfriend.

Just when you thought it was safe to end that not-so-perfect-anymore relationship with your girlfriend—or boyfriend, as the case may be—you pick up the Saturday Chicago Tribune and read about two jilted females who had the last word.

A 17-year-old girl, freckles and all, was found guilty of murder after running over her ex-boyfriend’s date and then leaving the scene of the accident.

After setting a marriage date, the dumb guy dumped her. I’m not familiar with why, but she ended up in her car about two weeks after the wedding was supposed to occur and nailed the ex’s date while the pair were going to his house, walking arm-in-arm.

During the trial, the ex told the jury his former girlfriend, just 16 when the incident happened, was always jealous of the other girls. And right she should be, after all, the ex told the court about the married-couple to be’s aborted pregnancy when she was 13 or 14. I guess the ex couldn’t remember the exact date to such an insignificant time in their lives.

Anyway, she was found guilty of driving over her ex’s date. I would think she’d want to hit him, but I never did understand women, especially when they are so finicky about their ex seeing other girls two weeks after they were supposed to live happily ever after.

Maybe she should have taken lessons from the 26-year-old woman who was jilted by her boyfriend. She made sure of the outcome by using a .32 caliber handgun and putting three bullets in him while he was working at the Midwest Stock Exchange.

She told the assistant state’s attorney that the ex was playing games after reneging on a promise that they would live happily ever after. I’m not sure if he actually was seeing someone, but maybe if he would have been, he might still be running on the floor of the exchange.

I must admit, I would love to take the credit for diligently reading the paper and finding the two most curious articles that offer a bit of amusement on a tragic yet unbelievable incident. But, I bet you can guess who saw the articles first and shared/threatened them with me.

Right, my girlfriend.

While expounding on her wealth of information about the real world of reporting and cross-examining me to make sure I haven’t been attending too many social gatherings with friends, she shoved the paper into my dinner and said “read and remember.”

God am I lucky she has a sense of humor. Besides, we saw Fatal Attraction once already so I know she gets squimish around blood.

While reading the articles, I kept one eye on her, making sure all blunt and sharp objects were out of her reach. She stared at me, hopefully in an admireful way, waiting for my thoughts.

We talked about the incidents in some depth, acknowledging the suffering endured when a relationship goes sour yet bewildered that someone would go to those extremes.

People go through tough times at every age, and marriage is a continual effort by both. Nothing comes easy, but violence is never an answer—especially killing the perceived cause of the problem.

Besides, a dead spouse on the honeymoon wouldn’t be any fun.