Well, I sure am glad to see that life is so exciting.

I’m referring to the latest television rage of docudramas. It seems that, in a desperate search for viewers, the top three networks will be— hold on to your seats—airing the day’s news in a new and improved fashion. Oh, boy. I wish I could set up a VCR to record all this quality programming. Unfortunately, I don’t have one, so I guess I’m going to miss all these wonderful shows.

It really is pathetic that real life has to be sensationalized to be believed. I’m distressed that people are getting their news of the day from trash like A Current Affair or Inside Edition. Yes, trash. These are the shows that are the demise of the media. These are the shows that make the “ten o’clock” news seem boring and unreal.

Americans have come to desire, even to expect, more action, more sleaze, more crime in their news. The papers are boring. The news is boring. Why waste your time with the truth when you can watch a souped-up version of some garish crime or heart-wrenching sob story? These “authentic recreations” are much more fun, more entertaining, more interesting.

Not being one to beat around the bush, I’ll share my true feelings about these shows; they simply lack credibility. The hosts offer annoying editorial sighs, moans, frowns and perplexed looks that egg-on viewers in hopes of reaching their emotions. This is so we know these marvelous hosts are incredibly sympathetic and thus are more qualified journalists than the ones who search all day for hard-hitting, truthful facts while racing toward deadlines.

What is so annoying about these shows is that many viewers can’t or simply don’t distinguish the difference between sensationalism and reality. For example, ABC’s Peter Jennings recently showed a simulation of Felix Bloch, the alleged spy, handing over a briefcase to another man. And, whoops, he forgot to mention that it wasn’t real—it was made up at ABC so viewers could more easily imagine what had supposedly taken place. Oops. But that’s okay, you see, because he later apologized and said that it was indeed a simulation. Well, that fixed everything, I’m sure.

Well, no, I’m not so sure. What about the people who missed the apology and who still believe that this incident was real? This is what bugs the heck out of me. So many people just don’t know. They don’t know that Unsolved Mysteries isn’t actually happening, that it’s faked. There are people who believe this stuff. This untruthful, exaggerated, melodramatic crap.

Every night kids are staring at their little televisions in their bedrooms watching this stuff, thinking it’s real, not knowing any better, and going about life as though it were made only of Rob Lowe sagas. They aren’t believing what they read in the papers (if they do read them at all), because that’s not what they saw on television. And it isn’t just kids who faithfully watch these prime time exaggerations. Adults are watching, too.

So, what’s the point? The point is that if this keeps up, real journalism will become a thing of the past. Reality will be put on the shelves to make way for simulations. There won’t be news, there will only be stories, portrayed by actors posing as the police, as the victims.

Maybe my complaints and predictions seem a little extreme. But even so, I’ll take my news the old-fashioned way: hard-hitting, to the point and truthful. That’s what it’s all about.