Like so many people, I find it increasingly difficult to study toward the end of a semester. I don’t know why this is. Okay, I lied. I do know why it is. It’s because I’m a fool. Well, maybe not a fool exactly… In fact, I’ve done some really weird things during the finals weeks of years past. Like the time when I…oh, forget it.

Okay, so back to business. I find it increasingly difficult to study during finals week for two basic reasons. I like to call them perpetual procrastination and general laziness. Let me explain. It might not help you change your ways, it probably won’t even help me with mine, but what the heck! It always feels good to get these things off one’s chest, you know?

Perpetual procrastination is when you have four papers to do in one class and you wait until the very last week of the semester to even think about going to the library, much less set foot in it.

I have a natural aversion to the library. And it’s not just this library—it’s all libraries. I’m not sure, but I think the reason why I don’t like the library here is the carpeting. It’s something about the way it’s always moving.

Anyway, back to perpetual procrastination. This is much worse than your regular procrastination. With regular procrastination, you just put things off for a little while…things like dusting, even though there’s about two inches of dust on everything in your room and at least a foot of it under your bed. But, no matter, because even when you do eventually dust, it doesn’t make a difference because the dust just floats around your room and lands on a new piece of furniture.

With perpetual procrastination, things get really bad. You pull not only all-nighters but all-weekers.

It’s truly horrible. Everyone at the library knows you by your first name. Your body constantly shakes uncontrollably from the enormous amounts of caffeine that you have forced into it. Meanwhile, your mind is so dead that nothing you’ve read or written makes any sense at all.

But do you stop?

Heck no! You must keep going because you are a perpetual procrastinator (P.P. for short). Poor thing.

Getting on to general laziness now, I have found that this is almost as damaging as being a P.P. This means that even though you know that now you absolutely must crack open those beers — oh, I mean books, sorry — you don’t. (What’s gotten into you?! For cryin‘ in a bucket!)

With general laziness there is just nothing compelling you to study. This happens to me nearly every day. Nearly every minute, actually. I know how bad it can be.

And, it only gets worse. Especially in the summer semester. The sun is beckoning “Come outside…sit and bask in my warmth…don’t study…you can do that tonight…play volleyball…” It goes on and on. So, you heed the sun. Being lazy is so much fun!

NO! What am I saying?! Being lazy is horrible. Procrastinating is awful. Don’t do it! Especially not now! Not today! I love the library! I love its carpeting!

I hate sunshine and playing volleyball and being tan. I love being cooped up indoors while everyone else in the entire world is playing outside without a care in the world.

They probably didn’t procrastinate for the entire semester like me, though. So while they’re outside having their fun now, I guess I’ll just have to sit back and think about all those fun times I had during the semester. That’ll be a nice break, seeing as I’ve been working so hard.