Let me save you the trouble and the headaches.

Don’t look now, but the two Chicago baseball teams are off to fast starts. But don’t let guys like Eddie Williams or Domingo Ramos fool you—they’re not going to lead the Sox or Cubs anywhere.

Not like this should come as any big surprise or anything, because everybody knows the Sox and Cubs aren’t supposed to play more than 162 games a year. And the Oakland A’s and the New York Mets will more than likely repeat as champions in the Sox‘ and Cubs’ respective divisions.

So why, you ask, would one even mention the Sox or Cubs in the same sentence as “contender.” Well, you’ll have to wait just a little bit longer. But first, you probably ought to pull up a chair and have a seat ….

It’s late October, and Game Seven of the World Series is set to begin at Comiskey Park, where the upstart Chicago White Sox are set to host the N.L. Champion Chicago Cubs in Chicago’s first crosstown World Series since 1906.

The fact the series has even gone to a seventh game has come as a surprise to the entire sports world, as the Cubs were tabbed prohibitive favorites before the series.

After posting an N.L. East-record 119 wins in the regular season—and blowing away the Mets for the division title, the Cubs flattened N.L. West champ Cincinnati four straight times in the N.L. divisional playoffs.

Meanwhile, the Sox (104-58) struggled through a seven-game battle with A.L. East champ Milwaukee, and are just happy to have the series tied at three games a piece, after losing triple crown-winner Dave Gallagher (.372, 43 HR, 141 RBI) to a hamstring pull in the final divisional playoff game.

So far, the home team has won all six series games—a fact which had Cubs fans worried after the Sox opened up a 2-0 series lead at 35th and Shields. But the friendly confines and a travel day—necessitated by the Dan Ryan construction project—turned the series around, and the Cubs are still expected to win the series.

Gallagher has received the O.K. to play, and the world watches as ace hurlers Rick Sutcliffe and Jerry Reuss are set to decide the title.

All the legends in Chicago sports history—including Ed Farmer, Mick Kelleher, Lenny Waltersheid and Tom Boerwinkle—are on hand to witness the event.

Signs of a pitcher’s duel are evident early. And Sutcliffe (24-6, 2.32 ERA) and Reuss (19-11, 4.02) exchange scoreless innings through the top of the fifth.

But then, with two out in the bottom of the inning, Sox second baseman Steve Lyons (club-record 98 stolen bases on the year) walks, steals second and third, and scores after Gallagher walks and Sutcliffe throws a pickoff attempt down the right field foul line.

Sutcliffe grimaces, realizing he should have opted for that stupid fake pickoff play that never works.

The Sox lead stands until the top of the ninth when, with one out, Ryne Sandberg (.325, 25, 98) singles, Mark Grace strikes out and Andre Dawson sends a 3-1 fastball into the left field bleachers for a 2-1 Cub lead.

Unfortunately, though, a brawl breaks out when a group of Steve Dahl-led Cub fans tries to set off the exploding scoreboard, and the game is suspended.

The next day, the commissioner’s office announces that the series is over. Cubs and Sox fans will once again have to wait ‘til next year ….

Only the Sox and Cubs could screw up a dream.