Sean Noble

Uh, hi. My name is Sean Noble, and I’m a … a liberal. Whew! I said it.

I decided this week that I can finally come out of the closet.

It’s time for me to face up publicly to what I really am and have been hiding for more than six months: a member of that group of socio-political outcasts branded with the dreaded L-WORD.

Yes! I admit it! You see, I’ve been in hiding ever since it became unfashionable, unsavory and just plain dangerous to openly profess one’s adherence to the tenets of liberalism. Since George Bush denounced the left and Mike Dukakis all but abandoned it, I’ve become a columnist and grown facial hair to disguise my true identity.

I’m actually not that fond of strict ideological labeling. If the truth all be known, I never used to pay attention to the labels “right” and “left.” In fact, I would never have realized my true political bent if it hadn’t been for two ultra-conservative Republican-type friends of mine. But, you ask, if I don’t pay attention to strict labeling, how do I know these two are so extreme right? Trust me. It’s obvious.

“You’re a liberal,” they spat at me one day.

“How do you know?” I inquired in my most middle-of-the-road tone of voice.

“Trust us. It’s obvious.”

Not being one to allow myself to be labeled so easily, I demanded proof of my left leaning.

“Well, you’re Irish Catholic, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you stand on capital punishment?”

“Against.” Drops of sweat were forming on me brow.

“Describe Ronald Reagan in one word.”

“Superweenie.” (Does that count as one?)

“You’re a liberal,” they sighed, matter-of-factly.

“But what if I lean right on some issues, such as abortion?”

“Don’t confuse us.”

Then it all came crystal clear to me; I could hear the voice of George McGovern whispering into my ear: “Go left, young man, go left.”

Last Sunday morning I was still in the midst of the long ideological exile imposed on my liberal brethren and me, when I came across a Chicago Tribune article concerning the Madison, Wis. mayoral race. Six candidates’ names appeared on the non-partisan primary ballot last week. And what do you suppose was the self-proclaimed political slant of Democrat Paul Soglin, the man who came out ahead? Radical! Liberal!

This is not to imply that radicalism (is that a word?) necessarily connotes liberalism, but one certainly doesn’t hurt the other. But a liberal winning an election—any election—in 1989? In short, I was overjoyed. In an age when strong liberal heroes and role models are hard to come by, this guy is a dream come true.

Soglin, 43, already has a name for himself in Madison as a former campus radical and subversive. While an alderman in 1968, he was arrested for participation in a student riot. On another occasion, he stood happily by as a group of crazed students destroyed a developer’s car.

And, by some strange coincidence, he served three terms as that city’s mayor in the 1970s, leaving the office 10 years ago to pursue a career as a lawyer.

Now, Soglin is back with a liberal vengeance. He has only to crush arch-moderate and Democratic incumbent Joe Sensenbrenner in the April 4 general election.

Only in Madison, the Mecca of American radicalism, could such an important political metamorphosis have come about. I knew I should have gone to UW.

At the very least, I can go public and wear that “scarlet letter” once again with pride. No, not A … L.

I haven’t yet told my two ultra-conservative friends about the impending liberal sweep of the nation that Soglin is heralding. I figure I’ll let it go until they’re forced to go underground, disguised as bearded columnists.