I’ve always learned that you can’t put a price tag on concepts like friendship, kindness, and gentleness. I seem to have been wrong.

Today’s the day. This is the beginning of a kinder, gentler nation. Only it’s costing about $25 million, give or take a few mill.

The big inauguration of George Bush, at its latest estimates, will cost $22 to $25 M’s. That’s quite a price to pay for more kindness and gentleness.

A chairwoman of big events (yes, that really is her title) said, “We’re particularly excited that the inaugural activities reach out to people of all ages and interests.” That’s funny, they certainly don’t reach out to me.

Well, at least not in the way she means. It sort of reaches out and chokes me. Here, let me show you.

The infamous inauguration will consist of nine balls, five formal dinners, three receptions, two salutes, one prime-time televised “gala,” a White House open house, a national day of prayer, a three-and-a-half hour tribute to rhythm and blues, a free flashlight give-away at the Lincoln Memorial to represent the “thousand points of light,” the booking of Yo Yo Ma, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Frank Sinatra and the Oak Ridge Boys into the Kennedy Center, and oh – I almost forgot – lining up Vice President Dan Quayle as host for a programs of marches at Constitution Hall, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Woooweee! What a mouthfull.

Now, is there something there that “reaches” out to you? The only reaching to be done is way down deep in the ‘ole change purse.

Penny Percy Korth, the chairwoman I mentioned earlier, also said the inauguration will consist of “personality and flair” that will reflect the “American zest” this country is known for.

She certainly is right. This country is known for ridiculous and unnecessary overspending. Anything for zest. Zest at any cost. Yes, there’s our new motto.

Wouldn’t it be nice (and not too off the wall) if our new president would make a statement to show the country he really cares about the deficit and reduce spending? Like maybe have a low-key, average-costing inauguration. How about a meager $15 million. Cut spending for the sake of the country. I think he could make a few friends that way.

Presidents in the past have included symbolism for the American people in their inaugurations. For one, there is John F. Kennedy taking off his silk top hat to evoke an image of youth and vigor.

Look at Jimmy Carter who deided not to ride in the limousine from the Capitol to the White House. He walked – a 1.7 mile walk. He wanted to be a man of the people, a common man.

The low-key Thomas Jefferson had an inauguration that consisted of walking one block to the Capitol with a crowd of soldiers, taking his oath, delivering his speech and returning to his boarding house.

These gestures said a lot about the way the men wanted to run their presidency. George Bush’s inauguration says a lot about the way he will run his presidency – with sky-rocketing costs. Lavish galas and events at everyone’s expense.

Wooaahh. Wait a minute. News flash. George Bush will show up at his swearing-in in a plain blue suit. Certainly a gesture that will off-set the price tag.

What reason is there for this slightly overpriced inauguration? Unflation? Well, that’s some inflation. In 1977 Jimmy Carter’s inauguration cost…come on, guess how much. Maybe half of Bush’s $25 million? Guess again. A mealy $3.5 million.

In 1973 Richard Nixon’s inauguration was criticized for costing $4 million. Taking inflation into consideration that would be about $8 million today.

It’s no wonder Bush plans to appoint a new budget-negotiating team as early as the afternoon of his inauguration. He’ll need to begin compensating for his first day as president.