From a hug, to a kiss, to rape—any unwanted physical contact constitutes sexual assault.

Margaret Bassett, a counselor from the DeKalb Safe Passage shelter for abused women, said during a special program sponsored by the Kappa Delta sorority Wednesday night that sexual assault is only one of three types of abuse women receive from men. Bassett said women also suffer from emotional and physical abuse.

Bassett was chosen to speak at the Kappa Delta program, which was held in conjunction with NIU’s Sexual Assault Awareness week, because Safe Passage is the sorority’s local philanthropy, said Michelle Cox, Kappa Delta philanthropy chairman.

Cox said the purpose of the speech was to “enlighten students as to situations they could fall into now, such as aquaintaince rape, and those they could fall into in the future, such as wife abuse.”

A pamphlet distributed by Safe Passage states, “Domestic abuse is cyclical. If it happens once, it will tend to happen again; more frequently and more severely.” The pamphlet stated domestic violence usually is passed from generation to generation.

Bassett said the cyclical violence begins with a tension phase in which the abuser becomes frustrated and looks for a scapegoat to release his anger on.

The tension phase is followed by the abusive phase, where the abuser emotionally or physically “lashes out” at his victim, Bassett said. After the abuser has released his tension, he “hooks” the victim back into the relationship by apologizing and acting lovingly or by scaring her and threatening further violence.

Bassett said the hooks are one of the factors which make women want to stay in abusive relationships. She said women also stay because they still love the men and believe they can help them change because they believe women should be weaker than men and because they are afraid of being left without a man.

Women who are involved in abusive relationships are stripped of all self-esteem, Bassett said. She said abused women feel they are “nothing” without a man and they blame themselves for the bad relationships.

Bassett said warnings to look for in potentially abusive men include possessiveness, the want to control the woman’s behavior, the dislike of the woman’s friends and family because they take up too much of her time, a bad temper and the use of violence to solve conflicts with friends.

“Can you feel safe when you confront him? Is there respect and trust in the relationship?” Bassett said those are “red flag” warning signs of potential abusers.

Bassett recommended friends give support to women in abusive relationships. “They will begin to lose sight of what is really happening to them, so make them aware that it is not all right to be hit.”

Shelters such as Safe Passage work with abused women and try to show them they do have power, Bassett said. “We do not tell them to leave or stay in their relationships … we help them arrive at their own decision.”

Bassett said out of 861 clients, the shelter has seen one marriage work out. She said most women seek shelter with Safe Passage three to six times before they decide to leave their relationships.

Safe Passage offers a 24-hour hotline service for abused women and their children.