Lies are legal today.

With that in mind, here are my predictions for the sports world on this day of fools and jokers.

The Cubs and Sox will run away with their respective divisions and meet in the World Series.

Shawon Dunston will win a Gold Glove.

Gene Michael will have a locker room tirade a la Lee Elia.

Arold Baines will come out of his shell and get the recognition he deserves.

The White Sox will not change their uniforms for another five years.

Larry Bowa will be cordial to the Chicago media when he welcomes them to the West Coast May 1 for the Cubs-Padres series.

Pete Rose will end his playing career and concentrate on managing the Reds—without a fight or a regret.

Morganna the Kissing Bandit will fail to make a national television appearance.

No more music videos will be made by professional sports franchises.

All the bugs will be worked out and no controversies will arise from pro football instant replays.

William Perry will go on a diet and get down to a slim 250 pounds.

Jim McMahon will go through the entire season without mouthing off or getting injured. Of course, if he stayed quiet perhaps teams wouldn’t tee off on him as much.

Mike Ditka and Bobby Knight will not yell or scream at any players or officials during games next season.

The three-point field goal will be a passing fad among college basketball teams.

We will not get fed up with “Hoosier Hysteria.”

The best team will win next year’s NCAA tourney as always.

Brian Bosworth will mellow out in pro football and Vinny Testaverde will not be a rich young man.

SMU will clean up its football program and act like true God-fearing Methodists.

Michael Jordan will not do anything spectacular in the Playoffs and will not be humble about it.

Wayne Gretzky will not even be good.

The “Cold Steel on Ice” Black Hawks will live up to all their publicity.

The children of this country will fall in love with soccer and forsake learning the skills necessary to play football and baseball, making soccer our new national pastime.

More than 500 gallons of gasoline will be used in the Indianapolis 500. (Note: Indy cars run on alcohol.)

The best-looking NIU women will try out for and make the Huskie cheerleading squad.

NIU students will fully support their athletic teams.

This will be an award-winning column.