I had an encounter with God the other day, and he told me in strict confidence that Oral Roberts is full of it. Those weren’t his exact words, but the point was well taken.

For those of you who aren’t exactly up on the latest Oral Roberts gossip, the internationally known electronic evangelist announced his latest encounter with God on his syndicated television show. Roberts told the world that God said he would not live past March if $8 million was not collected for use at the Oral Roberts University. The money would go toward scholarships for about 70 medical students at the university so they could serve in medical clinics overseas after completing their residencies.

“If I don’t recieve $8 million, the Lord will call me home … Will you help me extend my life?,” Roberts begged of his viewers.

The first thing that any partially intelligent human being would do after hearing the faith healer’s latest plea (besides turning blue in a fit of laughter) would be to ask themselves, “What if he doesn’t get the money and he doesn’t die?” If that happens, I would guess Roberts would tell the world he spoke with the Almighty again, and God decided to extend his deadline another month or two, until he can scrape up the bucks.

I don’t know about you, but I find it quite difficult to absorb the fact that the God we were all taught to praise and love would go around making money-making deals and threats with berserk television personalities, especially ones who wear Gucci suits and use Grecian Formula II.

This whole thing could really get carried away. Soon, people will start making bets on Roberts’ life. “I put $100 on March, double or nothing.” David Letterman will start a “countdown til‘ Roberts bites the dust” on his late night show. And that is just the beginning.

Then, anybody who needs some major bucks will use the “do or die” tactic to sponge money from whomever bears the funds. Maybe President LaTourette can use the tactic in his pleas to the Illinois Board of Higher Education. “I, John LaTourette, hath spoken to the good Lord above. He spoketh to me and told me my life would endeth next fiscal year if thou doest not allocate $3 million dollars to improve our undergraduate programs.”

Maybe students could use the same idea to get financial aid from the generous state of Illinois or just to get mom and dad to lend them $500 for Spring Fling ‘87. The Northern Star could use a few bucks for some production equipment. Do you think God would mind if we said he told us the Star will explode if our advertising department doesn’t get on the ball and sell some ads?

Some of you might be thinking that there are more pressing issues to be dwelling on, such as the Iran crisis, world hunger or Reagan’s proposed cuts in higher education. But this crazy Oral Roberts scheme really bothers me, and it should be considered an insult to the human race.

The word needs to get out that kooks like Roberts are abusing religion and the people who believe in it for their own advantage. Not even politicians or university administrators would stoop so low as to lie to the public about the word of the Lord just to drain innocent people of hard-earned money.

I don’t know how many Oral Roberts’ followers there are in the city of DeKalb, but there obviously are enough in the country to enable the man to establish his $120 million enterprise and build hospitals, clinics, retirement centers and his television empire. Some are worthy causes, but the way in which Roberts lures his followers for the funds deserve some major criticism.

Nobody should be allowed to play on the emotions of innocent people to get what they need. If Roberts doesn’t reach his $8 million goal by March, it will be because his flock will have smartened up. If he remains alive, his credibility with even his most faithful followers will be flushed down the toilet. Either way, he ends up the loser.

So start placing your bets, and we’ll see what happens in March.