Although I wake up every morning draped in my Huskie robe and sing the alma mater with the geese, there is some NIU apparel I could do without.

“I burp red and black” bib

Burping colors would be an incredibly dangerous and trippy experience. This bib is a University of Georgia garment some Huskie puppies sport after a mean cup of formula.

I had a neighbor who burped red and black, and now he speaks out of a voice box. Every time I see a baby wearing this bib, I think about him or her no longer being able to speak. Why would you make me want to think about that?

This bib is a cry for help. Children can have Huskie pride without regurgitating the school’s colors.

Red NIU sweatshirt

Put on your lanyard, go to UNIV 101 and complain about how NIU wireless is preventing you from doing “research.”

Next to students blaming Blackboard for their late submissions, the red NIU sweatshirt is the most overused thing on campus. Before donning this hooded towel, ask yourself, “Do I own clothes 3,000 people aren’t wearing right now?” or “Why does my partner describe me to friends as an out-of-shape track star?”

Some people even cut the sleeves off this sweatshirt. It is broke, but that’s not fixing it. It’s just making it worse. If I see another NIU red sweatshirt and blue jeans outfit, I’m going to have to get my eyes checked.

Student Association sunglasses

I’ve never understood people who put words on the inside of sunglasses. It’s cute you have a secret message only you can read after taking off the cool-guy shades. My communication major classmate who was almost accepted into the business program said advertisement helps when the consumer can see the ad. He’s really smart. These shades prevent marketing more than sunshine. Pass out heart-shaped lockets with SA on the inside because at least I’ll look loved.

NIU underwear

This kind of loyalty creeps me out. Don’t take “keep your pride in your pants” so literally.