Did I see a bunch of ingredients, turn the other way, make a vegan raw green bean salad thing and call it a day? Of course not. You know me too well for that. I put a giant crab cake on a giant buttery slab of bread and added other stuff. Sweet, buttery death, I’ll see you at my doorstep.

Here’s what you need:

Crab Cakes:

– 1 pound jumbo lump crab meat

– 1/4 cup mayonnaise

– 2 green onions, diced thin

– 1 1/2 teaspoons dijon mustard

– 1/2 teaspoon celery seed

– 1 egg

– 1 teaspoon paprika

– 1 teaspoon lemon juice

– 1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

– 1/4 teaspoon salt

– 1 1/4 cups panko bread crumbs

– Olive oil

– Brioche Buns

Tartar Sauce:

– 1/4 cup mayonnaise

– 1 tablespoon relish

– 1/2 tablespoon Dijon mustard

– Pinch salt

– Pinch pepper

– 1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice

Slaw:

– 1 head green cabbage, shredded

– 1 carrot, julienned

– 1/2 cup daikon radish, julienned

– 1/2 cup jicama, julienned

– 1/4 cup mayonnaise

– 2 tablespoons toasted sesame seeds

– 1 tablespoon sesame oil

– 2 tablespoons sugar

– 2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar

– Pinch of salt and pepper

– 1 tablespoon mirin

Here’s how you do it:

First, the slaw. This one’s easy: just throw everything in a bowl and toss. It does help to refrigerate the slaw while you do the rest of the recipe to let all the flavors get nice and comfortable with each other.

The same goes for the tartar sauce: Throw all the ingredients in a bowl, whisk and you’re good. Make sure you’re taste-testing this and the slaw — mostly because it’s a good idea, but partly because you might be doing the recipe somewhat from memory. Hey, I’m not perfect.

For the crab cakes, drain the crab meat. Add everything but the panko to a big bowl and stir it all together along with the crab meat. You want to break up the meat a little bit, but leave some big chunks. As long as you land somewhere between microscopic and marble-sized, you’ll be golden.

Mix in the panko, form the stuff into patties and cover it with plastic wrap. This should form about six patties; you want them nice and thick. Refrigerate the patties for an hour so they won’t fall apart when you put them in the pan later. We want crab cakes here, not crab piles-of-garbage.

Warm up a couple tablespoons of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook them for about four minutes until the bottoms are golden brown, then flip them and cook for another three minutes or so.

All that’s left is to cut the buns in half, throw the sandwiches together, and throw them in your mouth along with this week’s beat. It’s the one and only Ray Charles with “Night Time Is the Right Time:”