Turn on ESPN and you’re instantly hammered into submission with the latest wall-to-wall coverage of another athlete’s daily doings.

Breaking news: Derek Jeter was hit with a bout of stomach rumbling this morning. We’ll have more when we confirm whether he eat bad Thai food last night or is simply hungry, but first we’ll send this over to our roundtable of experts who’ll tell you what this means for the Yankees’ playoff chances.

In reality, Jeter’s made-up diarrhea doesn’t have actual news value, but you could never tell from the way even the most minute story is blown up into a million side stories that cover every angle, while there’s actual stories that should be covered.

Here’s a good one: An NBA team that finished 37-45 fired their coach, inspiring rampant speculation as to who will replace him. Whilst all this is happening, an American won the Boston Marathon for the first time since 1983, there’s a more interesting Yasiel Puig story and two sports have started playoffs.

Breaking news: Johnny Manziel was riding jet skis last weekend. After we replay this Instagram video three times, we’re going to break down what it means for his draft stock. An anonymous source thinks it means Manziel will slide to the Cleveland Browns, while another anonymous source believes it means the Houston Texans will love his carefree attitude and take him No. 1 overall.

The anonymous source is a hallmark of any overextended sports news story. Remember Tebow mania? Every other day, there was a story sparked by some anonymous source saying Tim Tebow was the next Hercules or Tom Brady, that he had that clutch gene, or someone was saying how Tebow was a locker room distraction. Every anonymous source equaled a week of stories that piled onto each until they turned into a monstrosity only a mother could grudgingly love. Even then, that monster’s mother looks at the creation, cobbled together with all the desperation of trying to find a story, and wishes she could forget it all happened.

ESPN spent three hours Monday morning dissecting each angle of the firing of Mike Woodson, formerly of the aforementioned 37-45 NBA team. No one needed to spend that much time talking about the fired coach of a mediocre team — not Woodson himself, not the New York media and not even Phil Jackson, who probably spent 30 seconds thinking about it.

The bizarre world of sports media needs to stop over-sensationalizing mundane, everyday sports news. Puig was once late to a practice, launching a hailstorm of media speculation over what it meant.

It doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes a guy is late to practice, sometimes a guy gets fired and sometimes Jeter has a rumbling tummy.