Lemme educate you on something real quick.

A frozen margarita isn’t a real margarita. A frozen margarita is something fat and/or boring people order at a T.G.I. Fridays because they want a vaguely tequila-tasting glass silo full of sugary lime water. Or it’s something sorority girls order for $15 a pop at a resort in the Bahamas because it’s “just what you do.”

And hey, if you want to get the equivalent of a Mexican slurpee instead of a real drink, who am I to stop you? By all means, feel free to funnel a Big Gulp full of regret down your throat so you can jettison it onto the cold, sad pavement of a Burger King parking lot at 1 a.m.

But if you want the real thing, something with character, put down the gigantic glass with a Corona and an offensive amount of tiny plastic umbrellas in it and look below. Seriously, put it down. I saw you trying to reach for it again.

The Margarita:

Here’s what you need:

– 1 1/2 ounces tequila (remember, silver = garbage, folks)

– 1 ounce Cointreau (you can substitute Triple sec if you don’t have a billion dollars handy)

– 3/4 ounces lime juice

– Kosher salt

– A couple limes

Here’s what you do:

First, pour some of that salt onto a plate.

Get a rocks glass (that’s the shorter one, kids) and run a small wedge of lime around the lip.

Dip the lip of the glass into the salt, and twist a couple times to cover it in salt.

Pour the tequila, Cointreau, and lime juice into a shaker filled with ice, and shake. Don’t be gentle, either. Shake the living hell out of it.

Throw a few ice cubes into your salted rocks glass, pour, toss the lime wedge in and drink. Repeat as necessary.

And no, I’m not doing “Tequila” for the song this week. Come on, now. Here’s Curren$y with “Biscayne Bay:”

Till next time.