VH1 might have the greatest hot mess of a reality TV show. This gem is called “Couples Therapy,”and I was obsessed with it the second I read who was going to be on the show.

I knew this was going to be my next Sass Certified.

I had no idea who most of the “celebrity” couples were, like Whitney Mixter and Sada Bettencourt or Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole. Other couples I recognized from my favorite reality TV shows.

Farrah Abraham from “Teen Mom” came to the show solo because her boyfriend ditched her. Her ugly crying just makes me love “Couples Therapy” even more. Abraham discusses her book deals about erotic sex stories and Christian parenting. What? You can’t go from one extreme to the other like that, girl. If the world explodes, we can blame Abraham and her book deal.

Another recognizable couple on “Couples Therapy” is “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’” Taylor Armstrong and her fiancé, who was also her attorney, I guess? I don’t know, something weird like that. Don’t worry, the therapist played Armstrong’s 911 call when she found her husband dead. Uh, that’s not okay, but whatever. Armstrong has gotten crazier since being a “Real Housewife” and gets drunk on the regular. On “Couples Therapy,” Armstrong has tantrums about her room being too hot or not having the right colored towels in her bathroom.

The couple I was most excited for was Jon Gosselin and his girlfriend.

Gosselin didn’t show up until the third episode because he was in court with his ex-wife, Kate Gosselin. I love Kate and think she is a great person and Jon was a baby their whole relationship, but that’s a different Sass Certified.

Jon and his girlfriend show up to the facility in matching gray sweatpants and zip-up hoodies with odd tribal designs. The first thing I noticed was how Jon’s hair has gotten so much thinner since being on “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” Remember that time he got hair plugs? I guess they aren’t working for you, buddy.

The first time his girlfriend, Liz Jannetta, opened her mouth, I was reminded of Kate. She looks like a trashy version of princess Kate. Liz constantly nags Jon and calls him a “bitch,” even though I understand why.

When Jon feels ganged up on by Liz, he puts his hood up and just sits there with a frown on his face. Jon makes his voice so pathetic and hurt and said, “You remind me of Kate when you talk to me like that.” Whenever he says this I just want to scream at my TV.

On the episode “Fess Up,” Jon is in bed with the covers over him and moaning. Gross, Jon, it’s almost as if you want me to hate you even more. Liz walks in and figures out what’s going on and calls him a string of awesome curse words and walks out of the room in a rage. The couple has a session that day with the therapist, and Liz tells Jon how angry it makes her. Meanwhile, Jon is in his seat sulking because he is being attacked. Jon, for the sake of my sanity, please do something beside sulk.

I can’t wait for the rest of the season to unfold as Jon continues being a little baby.