“Personhood” is a fickle issue in DeKalb.

The U.S. Supreme Court may have ruled that corporations are people, but DeKalb City Council isn’t ready to commit that women are people, too.

Last week, during a Meeting of the Whole, 3rd Ward Alderwoman Kristen Lash introduced an initiative that would change gender references and pronouns to gender neutral terms, with the possibility of altering the title “alderman” to “alderperson.” Lash’s initiative suggested that the process of becoming gender neutral did not require extensive resources, but rather could be considered on a single case basis as ordinances arise.

Fourth Ward Alderman Brendon Gallagher used the discussion to his showcase 90s trivia when providing mock support for Lash.

“I’m with you Kristen, girl power, Spice Girls, yeah,” Brendon said.

Sixth Ward Alderman David Baker appeared to be resistant to the idea not only because he feared it may negate the position of alderman, but also seemed threatened by the notion of diminishing his public masculinity.

“So, we’re not aldermen anymore, we’re alderpersons? The men? I just think it’s going to be confusing,” Baker said. “I ran for the office of alderman.”

Right. Because when I learned at age 5 that mom’s name was really Debbie, I thought, “Well, maybe she’s not really my mother then; I’ve always only known her as ‘mom.’” Or like when I went to Medieval Times for the first time and realized it wasn’t a time-travel portal into the past, and I couldn’t figure out which world was real.

So, I sympathize, Dave.

To support her proposal, Lash said she had discovered “every instance in code where gender is referred to is masculine, except for parental responsibilities, then it’s ‘she.’”

City Attorney Dean Frieders informed those present that in section 1.02 of the DeKalb Municipal Code, any gender reference, generally masculine, is meant to be representative of both genders. Essentially, this means that in every section of city code except child responsibilities, women are linguistically invisible, but rather implied.

Thankfully, male council members reminded the group that sexism is over, and section 1.02 has sufficiently covered the issue.

“You can say ‘she’ refers to ‘he’ and ‘he’ refers to ‘she’ all you want, but when the only place you see a feminine reference is in the case of a child, it doesn’t seem like that’s been taken care of,” Lash said.

Although the term “alderman” would likely remain on official ballots, because that is the position title under state statute, ordinances could be altered to include “whatever term council prefers,” Frieders said.

Multiple cities in Wisconsin and Pagedale, Mo., have all adopted similar ordinances and have changed position titles to “alderperson.”

Ultimately, even the few brave enough to voice minimal support for Lash, including women’s rights afficionado Gallagher, didn’t second the motion.

These male councilmen deserve praise for educating confused DeKalbians on the end of sexism and transphobia.

Don’t forget to throw your vote away in the fall, ladies.