Cara Pines* was excited to get an apartment with her friend. But when disagreements arose regarding who would get the attached bathroom, Pines decided not to sign the lease.

Soon after, her friend became upset and started bullying Pines over Facebook by posting statuses.

Pines’ Facebook feed was filled with statuses from her friend who wrote, “You reap what you sow,” “Don’t worry, you’ll be replaced,” and “You’re only upset because you screwed up.”

Pines said she felt disrespected, embarrassed and hurt by what her friend was writing on Facebook.

“I didn’t expect that she would put my whole business out there for everyone to read,” she said. “I did nothing wrong, which made it worse.”

Larry Bolles, director of the Office of Community Standards and Student Conduct, said he has seen more bullying now at NIU than in the last 15 years. Bolles said the majority of bullying is cyberbullying done via social media outlets and Facebook in particular. From talking with other student conduct offices, Bolles believes the same could be true for many colleges throughout the U.S.

The “big, bad bully”

Because there is no specific charge called bullying, Bolles said most cases involving bullying are classified under harassment, physical abuse or both. The typical cases he sees involve females bullying other females via social media outlets. Punishment for bullying can be a letter of warning, community service, counseling for anger management, suspension or expulsion from NIU, Bolles said.

Mark Canaday, assistant director for residential and community standards in Housing and Dining, said bullying via social media happens in the dorms, but he doesn’t think it is a widespread problem. All cases involving bullying are referred to the Office of Community Standards and Student Conduct, or to the campus police, he said.

Bolles said both male and female students feel more confident saying bad things to and about other people on social media sites. When a student who is accused of bullying comes to see him, Bolles said he is always surprised to see a small and short student and not a “big, bad bully.”

“It’s sort of like road rage,” Bolles said. “You see little folks who look like they are mild and meek get into a car and drive like a madwoman or madman. That’s not their personality. That’s social media.”

Michelle Demaray, associate professor of psychology, has done extensive research on bullying in schools and has recently started looking into cyberbullying. Demaray said students who want to do something aggressive to another person sometimes turn to social media websites.

“Someone who might not bully face-to-face and would be nervous to do that may feel a little more powerful if they can do it from a computer so they aren’t face-to-face with that person,” she said. “It also reaches a wider audience.”

Bigger audience for the bullies

Kimberly Cecil, licensed clinical social worker at the Counseling and Student Development Center, said most of the bullying done over social media usually happens in the context of relationships. Cecil said in the online community the stakes become much higher, because “instead of 20 people in a class hearing it, thousands of people can read it.”

Junior anthropology major Mari Oates experienced cyberbullying on Facebook. Oates said after breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, his friends filled her wall with “belligerent” posts to try to upset her. Oates didn’t realize the comments were on her page until a few days later.

“I don’t care what they say about me, but the fact they had to make it public for the whole world to see made me more upset,” she said.

When the “relationship goes south”

Bolles said bullying on social media sites becomes very personal because bullies actually tell each individual what they think of him or her as a person. They aren’t afraid to make mean comments about the person’s family, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, Bolles said. They may even comment about how the person dresses, looks and smells, he said.

“When people use this media, they want you to know that was them,” Bolles said. “It wasn’t like somebody made an anonymous phone call and hung up. They put their name on it, which is good for a person like me, but it’s interesting. You want the whole world to know you said this?”

Males who bully other females are most likely not trying to scare women – they want to “belittle” them, Bolles said. But women seem to take bullying to another level on a regular basis, he said.

“There’s one woman and then there’s five women that don’t like her and all five of them are out there on Facebook,” Bolles said. “That’s like getting mugged in an alley.”

Bolles said sometimes students threaten to or even post nude photos of their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend on Facebook or other social media sites. This usually occurs when the “relationship goes south,” he said.

“Mean comments on Facebook, even sometimes threats to post or send out photos happens maybe not frequently, but I think a significant amount of college students are dealing with that,” Cecil said.

“It can be dangerous”

Demaray said cyberbullying research is in its infancy. More research needs to be conducted to understand its prevalence and how much it’s happening across different genders and ages, she said. The problem is social media sites are always changing and it will be hard for researchers to keep up with it, she said.

Demaray said the research that is available shows a wide range of negative outcomes associated with people who are bullied. If problems are “internalized,” this could lead to anxiety and depression, Demaray said. The students’ grades could also be negatively affected and there is the possibility for suicidal ideation, she said.

“It can be dangerous,” Bolles said. “I can get you at school, but then when you’re not at school everybody gets out there on social media and gets involved in these social media venues. So what do you do? You can’t run and you can’t hide from me.”

* Real name witheld