I usually have it when I’m driving. Some people have it in the shower, or maybe in the checkout line at the grocery store.

It’s the aha moment. The epiphany. A pure moment of realization. It might be something trivial: I left the lights on. It might be something more significant: my whole life has been a sham.

I remember exactly where I was when it hit me.

I was sitting in a car at a red light at the corner of Peace Road and Highway 64. I was listening to Lady Gaga’s “Judas,” from her new album Born This Way. And I thought, this isn’t very good, especially for a song that God supposedly wrote.

That was the moment I realized that maybe Lady Gaga and I just aren’t right for each other.

Gaga, we’re breaking up.

The proverbial curtain has closed; the literal meat dress has spoiled.

It’s been good, Gaga, it really has, but your claim that God sent you the lyrics and melody to “Judas” is just one more ugh-worthy moment in a slew of recent ugh-worthy moments. 

The first infringement was your claim in a Financial Times Magazine interview that you went bankrupt several times on tour because you put everything you had into your shows. I believe you, but you’re one of the biggest pop-stars in the world right now. I’m sure you’re not starving; don’t try to play the martyr.

Then I saw the article about you canoodling with some sort of hip Marxist philosopher. It turned out to be false, but that’s not the point. The point is, Gaga, that if you’re trying to get my attention, I just don’t care.

Lady Gaga may be easy not to like, but that’s why I thought we had something special, especially in the beginning. I was on-board from the rise of “Just Dance” in early 2008. I remember being unable to get bartenders to play the song because they didn’t have it. “Who is this Lady?” they’d ask.

And I truly wish you the best, Gaga. Because you’re a good person. Yes, a person. Deep down, she’s in there somewhere beneath all the makeup and plastic head garments.

When I saw that clip of you on MTV’s show Boiling Points from 2005, your hair was your natural brown, you weren’t awash in makeup and you were wearing, um, clothes.

I even respected your admonition that if it was your destiny to go insane because of your fame, you had accepted it.

But now I’ve realized, it’s not that you’re too crazy. It’s that the person that you are, well, she’s kind of annoying.

That Lady has done some good things: she’s always been an ardent supporter of gay rights, and her message to her fans has always been one of total acceptance and ‘be-who-you-are’ mushy gushy-ness.

But in addition to last week’s debut of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “Perform This Way” video, his parody of Gaga’s “Born This Way,” (Which, by the way, is as mesmerizing as it is disturbing; in 20/20 hindsight, every time someone has asked me in the past what my greatest fear was, I should have said, “Weird Al’s head photo-shopped, slightly too largely, and slightly too imperfectly, onto a female dancer’s body”), I just can’t support you anymore. And I hate to draw any life lessons out of a song in the same catalog as “White and Nerdy,” but he’s right. Crazy clothes and dancey-Madonna-y songs are really all you’ve got. You’re a one-trick unicorn.

I’ll admit, there were a lot of people who came to this same conclusion long before I have, but I’m glad that the Gags and I have run our course. She helped me triumph in a costume contest at a Halloween Party and I’d like to think I helped defend her good name to doubters for a while.

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right?

Gaga, I’ll be over to get my stuff. I’m keeping the “Bad Romance” video. You can have the rest.