I’ve been watching the Wisconsin labor situation unfold with great interest these past couple of weeks. It’s great political theater! Between a blogger impersonating one of Wis. Gov. Scott Walker’s campaign backers to Wisconsin Democrats hiding out in Illinois, it is truly one of the great political dramas of our time.

But I wonder how it will end, and whether it will escalate.

First off, someone has to give in. Either the pressure on the missing Democratic senators will become too great and at least one will come home, or Walker will give in and pledge not to take away state unions’ right to collective bargaining.

But honestly, for the sake of hilarity, I hope it escalates. Walker gave his speech on the budget situation yesterday. Here is how I wish it would have gone:

My fellow Wisconsites, for the past couple of weeks, our state has been paralyzed by misguided, overzealous senators who have allied with their liberal, greedy union buddies to put a stop to the democratic process.

Let me say to those senators, some of whom have been rumored as hiding in Illinois cities such as DeKalb or Chicago, that you are in the wrong. Yes, the unions have agreed to take these cuts now, but in the long run, their right to collective bargaining will only exacerbate the state’s poor financial situation.

But as you all know, we cannot move forward on this issue until the Senate has reached a quorum of 19 senators. It is therefore imperative that the Democratic senators see the folly of their actions and come back to allow the democratic process to take its course.

However, this is assuming that the senators see reason. And in the case that they don’t, I will have use my executive power as governor to compel them to come back. I have hired Boba Fett, the famed bounty hunter of lore, to track down the senators and bring them back to Madison.

I understand the grave consequences of my actions, and as such, I promise not to seek re-election once Fett has tracked down the rogue legislators. I hope the public understands the gravity of the situation, and why this precaution needs to be taken.

To assure you of my good will, I will say to you what I said to the bounty hunter: “We need them alive. No disintegrations.”

Thank you.

UPDATE: It seems Walker did not mention anything about hunting down the Democratic senators like Gary Busey tried to do to Ice-T in Surviving the Game. But I believe it’s only a matter of time.

[Editor’s Note: Due to the overabundance of awesomeness (as well as copyright laws), the picture of Boba Fett originally included in the post had to be omitted.]