The Rant: All hail Paul the magical Octopus

By Chris Dertz

Mourn, planet Earth. A psychic octopus has died.

Paul, the magical octopus who correctly predicted the results at this year’s World Cup, has died at the ripe-old age of 2.5 years old.

I want everyone out there to remember the good times that Paul gave us: when was the last time your pet octopus predicted anything correctly aside from the number of tentacles attached to its slimy little body?

Luckily, Paul is being adequately honored with his own burial plot, and he deserves it.

Paul has caused octopus sales to go up by 56 percent, based on purely made-up statistics. The sports gambling world is now rife with pretenders to the throne.

Paul is king, and there will never be another.