The first time I met Tony Heilmann I was leaving the Walmart parking lot and saw him holding a sign on a piece of cardboard with some writing stating he was selling candy.

I always feel sympathetic for anyone who has to humble themselves and hold a sign on a busy street in hopes of some generous gift. So, I turned to my girlfriend and asked if she had a couple bucks. Go ahead and laugh, but I didn’t have any cash on me.

Without hesitation she whipped out $2 and I rolled down the window and motioned at Tony. He handed me two suckers and I told him not to worry about it and sell those to someone else, but he insisted. Although it was a small amount, I felt good about myself.

Then I got to thinking, though, where does that money actually go? I don’t just mean that specific instance with Tony, but with any person asking for money on the side of the road, sidewalk or wherever. I remembered my sister who has done a lot of volunteer work in poor communities saying a big problem with helping the homeless is a lot of them either have problems with drugs or mental illness.

Now she was not trying to stereotype or state that the homeless are helpless, but simply stated a major obstacle when it comes to helping them.

To see if this was true, I went to the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s website and found numerous publications on homelessness. As it turns out, a number of the reports detail the fact that a sizable portion of the homeless suffer from substance abuse and mental disorders.

This fact made me rethink how to truly help a person in need. If a person is mentally ill and you give them cash, depending on how severe their illness is, they may not know what to properly spend money on. If a person abuses a substance, then giving those cash will probably just enable them to get more of that substance.

Plus, people scam others all the time for money with false sob stories, so giving a person straight cash can’t ensure that you’re truly helping them.

Don’t lose hope, though, there is a solution for your validated mistrust in simply giving a person some cash. Tony said the best thing a person can do is “just talk to me, that’s what I like.”

The next time I saw Tony was when Aaron and I interviewed him. We found out that he’s a 50-year-old man who has been unemployed a year and a half now and has a wife who cannot work because of her health problems. While his wife gets some money from disability, it is not enough to pay for their belongings in storage, car payments, gas, food, the hotel they stay at and other necessities. So, Tony helps by selling candy.

I originally thought that simply giving gift cards and food would be the best way to help someone in need. But after getting to know Tony and his situation, I realized that he really struggles to pay the cost of his hotel room, $36 a day. So, actually, he does need cash to pay for that.

Let’s say you’re a real skeptic, though, you could still offer to go to his hotel and pay them directly for his room; something you wouldn’t know to do if you didn’t stop and talk to the man. I asked him if he would get offended if someone refused to give him money but instead another gift.

“I’m not offended if they give me nothing and I talk to them,” Tony said. “People don’t have too much; I know it’s hard for them.”

So, when it comes to a random person asking for money on the street, the best thing you can do is talk to them and find out their needs. That way, not only do you avoid possibly enabling a person, but you offer them more than just material worth, you offer your time and show that you really care.